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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of madness theatre of fun and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 2
What did Arafat say to Clinton?'Sheep don't talk, my friend. '
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Blonde Joke - 1
A blonde walks into a hair salon to get her hair cut wearing headphones. The stylist asks her to take off her headphones but the blonde refuses. So the stylist takes them off and the blonde collapses to the ground and dies. The stylist picks up the headphones and hears, 'Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. . . '
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Hunting Joke
Two men were out hunting when one of them saw a rabbit. 'Quick, ' said the first, 'shoot it. ' 'I can't, ' said the second. 'My gun isn't loaded. ' 'Well, ' said the first, ' you know that, and I know that, but the rabbit doesn't. '
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Cow Joke
What do you call a cow who argues with her husband? A bullfighter!
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Zodiac Joke
Q: How many Sagittarians does it take to change a lightbulb? A: A whole bunch: I can only keep them in the room long enough for them to give the bulb a quarter turn apiece.
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Joke Online
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
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Police Joke
A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer. Officer: 'Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?'. Man: 'I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air'. Officer: 'Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test'. Man: 'I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death'. Officer: 'Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line'. Man: 'Can't do that either'. Officer: 'Why not?'. Man: 'Because I'm dead drunk'.
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Animal World
In the dead of summer a fly was resting on a leaf beside a lake. He was ahot, dry fly who said to no one in particular, 'Gosh! If I go down threeinches I will feel the mist from the water and I will be refreshed. 'There was a fish in the water thinking, 'Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches I can eat him. 'There was a bear on the shore thinking, 'Gosh! If that fly goes down threeinches. . . that fish will jump for the fly. . . and I will eat him. 'It also happened that a hunter was further up the bank of the lake, preparing to eat a cheese sandwich. 'Gosh!' he thought, 'If that fly goesdown three inches. . . and that fish leaps for it. . . that bear will exposehimself and grab for the fish. I'll shoot the bear and then have a properlunch. 'You probably think this is enough activity for one bank of a lake, but Ican tell you there was more. A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking, 'Gosh! If that fly goes downthree inches. . . and that fish jumps for that fly . . . and that bear grabs forthat fish. . . the dumb hunter will shoot the bear and drop his cheese sandwich. 'A cat, lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought, as wasfashionable to do on the banks of this particular lake around lunchtime, 'Gosh. . . if that fly goes down three inches. . . and that fish jumps for thatfly. . . and that bear grabs for that fish . . . and that hunter shoots thatbear. . . and that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich. . . then I can have mouse for lunch. 'The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he heads down for thecooling mist of the water. . . The fish swallows the fly. . . The bear grabsthe fish. . The hunter shoots the bear. . . The mouse grabs the cheesesandwich. . . The cat jumps for the mouse. . . The mouse ducks. . . The cat fallsinto the water and drowns. The moral of the story is. . . . Whenever a fly goes down three inches. . . Somewhere there's a pussy in trouble.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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