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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of mad hatter joke shop and other funny jokes |
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Book title Joke
The Insurmountable problem by Major Setback
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Fun Joke
Three drunks were sitting at a bar. The first one said. . . 'I went in my daughter's room, looked in the drawer and found a pack of cigarettes. 'He paused. 'I didn't even know she smoked!'The second drunk said. . . 'I can beat that! I went into my daughters room, looked in the closet and found a case of beer. I didn't even know she drank!'The first two looked at the third as he begin to speak. . 'I can beat that! I went into my daughter's room and looked under her pillow. I found a pack of condoms!!!'He paused. . . 'I didn't even know she had a penis!!!'
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Love and Marriage Joke
Marry not a tennis player. For love means nothing to them. May you be too good for the world and not good enough for your wife. May you grow so rich your widow's second husband never has to worry about a living, God forbid. May you live happily ever after with a poor, ugly, shrewish wife. May you never leave your marriage alive. May your wife be a witch who takes after her mother, and may you all live together in a one-room house. Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier. --H. L. MenckenMy darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, And so made sure that she would stay, In better spirits night and day. My opinions are my wife's, and she says I'm lucky to have them.
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Funny Joke Online
A nude jogger was running past two old women. One had a stroke, the other missed!
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Simple Joke
1) The feebleness or banality of an excuse should never be a deterrent to its use. 2) Always put the blame on something that can't defend itself. Children, pets, inanimate objects, and relatives living in foreign countries make perfect scapegoats. 3) Whine convincingly. 4) Certain ailments work better than others as excuses. No doctor or machine in the world can prove that you don't have that headache. 5) Try to remember that nature allotted each of us only two grandmothers to attend funerals for. And now, some excuses:- I was going to mail it for your birthday, but then I couldn't find it, and by the time I found it, it was too late and I was embarrassed to send it to you. - The baby threw up all over my dress, and we had to go home first to change. - I'm taking care of a sick aunt. . . no, this is a different one. - The car ran out of gas. - Well, you never told me I couldn't do that. - He started it. - I have jet lag. - I'd really like to, but my gerbils are having babies tonight. - I swallowed my gold crown this morning, and I have to wait here until it comes out the other end. - I missed the bus. - The alarm didn't go off. - I couldn't find a parking space. - The Devil made me do it. - Drugs made me do it. - Everybody else does it. - That's not my department. - Our computer's down. - We must have misplaced your original request. - It's on someone elses desk. - Don't ask me - I just work here.
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Judge Joke
When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. 'Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court, ' he smiled with delight. 'Now sit down at that table and write 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times. '
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards. I'll deal with you later.
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Funniest Joke
Bloke is drinking at a pub and after a few rounds goes to leave, explaining to the barman he has to go home to do a shit. 'Don't be stupid, ' says the barman, 'We've got a perfectly good toilet here!' 'Yes, ' explains the drinker, 'but I take salts. ''So what??!! That doesn't matter - you can still use the toilet here!'The drinker reluctantly agrees and heads for the toilet. After a few moments there is loud banging and the bloke emerges, followed by a foul smell. The barman races into the toilet where he sees crap all over the ceiling and walls. He races back into the bar. 'What the hell went on in there?!' he demands. 'I told you, ' explained the drinker. 'No, you said that you take salts!' yelled the barman. 'That's right, ' the drinker shrugs, 'somersaults. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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