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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of love and money strange kind of love and other funny jokes |
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Vampire Joke
Why did Dracula miss lunch? Because he didn't fancy the stake.
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Naughty Joke
On hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie wentstraight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95 year old grandmotherand comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. 'Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years oldhaving sex would surely be asking for trouble. 'Oh no, my dear, ' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advancedage, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells wouldstart to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong. ' She paused, wiped away a tear and then continued, 'and if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!'
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Marriage Joke
A man and woman where on their honeymoon after a long and very happy courtship. On their honeymoon, they decide to take their horses through the beautiful mountain passes of Europe. As the horses were crossing a small stream, the woman's horse mis-steps and jostles the man's wife. Once across the stream, the man dismounts, walks over to the horse, and stares into its eyes. Finally, he states, 'That's one. ' The man remounts his horse and they continue their ride. A bit further down the path, the woman's horse stumbles when stepping over a fallen tree. The man dismounts, stares the horse in the eyes, and boldly states, 'That's two!' He returns to his saddle and they move on. As the afternoon sun began to set, the woman's horse once again lost its footing on a mossy slope. The man dismounts, moves to the woman's horse, and helps his wife out of the saddle the man. Moving to the front of the horse he stares it in the eyes and firmly says, 'That's three, ' removes a pistol from his vest, and shots the horse dead. The woman, quite upset at seeing the beautiful horse killed, says to her husband, 'That's terrible, why would you do such a thing!'The man stares at his wife and firmly says, 'That's one!'
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Spoof Joke
Dearest Darling Son and That Person You Married, Merry Christmas to you, and please don't worry about poor old me. I'm just fine considering I can't breathe, or eat. The important thing is that you have a nice holiday, thousands of miles away from your lonely ailing mother. I've sent along my last ten dollars in this card, which I hope you'll spend on my Grandchildren. Lord knows their mother never buys them anything nice. They look so thin in their pictures, poor babies. But then, I guess you two do save a lot of money shopping for their clothes at the Salvation Army surplus stores and all. Thank you so much for the Christmas flowers, dear boy. I put them in the freezer so they'll stay fresh for my grave. Which reminds me -- we buried Grandma last week. I know she died years ago, but I got to yearning for a good funeral, so Aunt Viola and I dug her up and had the services all over again. I would have invited you, but I know that woman you live with would never let you come. Why, I bet she's never even watched that videotape of my hemorrhoid surgery, has she?Well son, it's time for me to crawl off to bed now. I broke my cane beating off another gang of muggers last week, but don't you worry none about your poor old mother. I'm also getting used to the cold since they turned my heat off last week, and I'm actually kind-of grateful since the frost on my bed numbs my constant agonizing pain. Now don't you even think about sending any more money, because I know you need it for those expensive family vacations you take every year; as well as all those designer clothes that gold-digger demands you to buy her. Give my love to my darling Grand-babies and my regards to that wench what's-her-name. The one who stole you screaming and kicking from a loving home, by seducing you and dragging you up to that God forsaken lawless Sodom she calls a state. Happy New Year. Love, Mom
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Mad Joke
Buckwheat and Darla were in school and the teacher asked Darla, 'How do you spell 'dumb'?'Darla says, 'd-u-m-b, dumb. 'The teacher says, 'Very good. Now use it in a sentence. 'She responds, 'Buckwheat is dumb. ''Now spell 'stupid'. 'Darla says, 's-t-u-p-i-d. 'The teacher says, 'Very good. Now use it in a sentence. 'Darla says, 'Buckwheat is stupid. 'Then the teacher call on Buckwheat and asks, 'Buckwheat, spell dictate. 'Buckwheat stands up and says, 'd-i-c-t-a-t-e, dictate. 'The teacher says, 'Very good. Now use it in the a sentence. ' 'I may be dumb and I may be stupid, but Darla says my dictate good!'
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Elephant Joke
What's the best way to see a charging herd of elephants ? On television !
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Pig Joke
A city child came running into the farmhouse. 'No wonder that mama pig is so big, ' she yelled. 'There's a bunch of little pigs out there blowing her up!'
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Just for Laughs Joke
One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume party. All the gentry were there and as they arrived the doorman would announce what there characters were. When one couple arrived he announced 'Mickey and Minnie Mouse'. As the next couple arrived he announced 'Tarzan and Jane' and so on as each guest arrived. Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe. 'Who do you think you are?' demanded the doorman. Having ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the local university CS department The doorman asked 'How shall I announce you?'The man said, 'I'm premature ejaculation''I'm very sorry sir', said the doorman in obvious shock, 'I cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering. ''O. K. ' said the professor. 'Just say I came in my pants'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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