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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of london comedy guide and other funny jokes |
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Hair and bald Joke
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, 'Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?' 'We're taking TWA, ' was the reply. 'We got a great rate!' 'TWA?' exclaimed the barber. 'That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?' 'We'll be at the downtown International Marriott. ' 'That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?' 'We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope. ' 'That's rich, ' laughed the barber. 'You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it. ' A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. 'It was wonderful, ' explained the man, 'not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!' 'Well, ' muttered the barber, 'I know you didn't get to see the pope. ' 'Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally me et some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me. ' 'Really?' asked the Barber. 'What'd he say?' He said, 'Where'd you get the lousy haircut?
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Law Enforcement Joke
Police Chief: Why did you tie a rope on that criminal? Officer: You ordered me to get a line on the suspect.
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Top 100 Joke
There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the supermarket. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy said he would go ask his manager about the matter. The boy walked into the back room and said, 'There's some idiot out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce. 'As he was finishing saying this, he turned around to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, 'And this gentleman wants to buy the other half'. The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy and said, 'You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here. Where are you from son?'The boy replied, 'Canada, sir'. 'Oh, really? Why did you leave Canada?' asked the manager. The boy replied, 'They're all just whores and hockey players up there. ''My wife is from Canada!!'The boy replied, 'Really?? What team did she play for?'
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Funny Kids Joke
What's the hardest part of milking a mouse?Getting it to fit over a bucket!
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Travel Humor
Magician and Parrot A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood he started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat' 'Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table' 'Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades ?' The magician was furious but couldn't do anything; it was, after all, the captain's parrot. One day the ship had an accident and sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the ocean with the parrot, of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and another and another. After a week the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?'
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Computing Joke
A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in. When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a 'Keyboard Error' message. She then asks 'Why did it give me a keyboard error?There isn't even a keyboard attached?
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!
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Pig Joke
Why didn't the pigs eat the rotten free range eggs in their feed trough?
They were saving the best for last.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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