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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of local kine jokes and other funny jokes |
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Aviation Joke
A small twin-prop commuter plane was hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who vowed to kill one of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions. There were two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast geneticist. The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why they shouldn't be killed. The microbiologist (who studied bacteria) talked for 1 minute 59 seconds explaining that he studies bacteria, bacteria are model organisms for the study of genetics and physiology etc. etc. and finished with an emotional, bacteria-laden plea which had the hijacker in tears. When he was done, they turned to the yeast geneticist who said, 'let me explain to you why yeast genetics is an important discipline. . . ' but he was interrupted by the microbiologist who exclaimed 'Shoot me! Shoot me!'
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School Joke for Kids
A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, 'Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now. 'He looks at her and says angrily, 'Fix the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G. E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so. ''Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right. 'To which he replied, 'Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead? I don't think so. ''Fine, ' she says, 'Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break. ''I'm not a damn carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps, ' he says. 'Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!!'So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed. 'Honey, how'd this all get fixed?'She said, 'Well, when you left, I sat outside and cried. Just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all I had to do was either screw him or bake him a cake. 'He said, 'So, what kind of cake did you bake him?'She replied, 'Hellooooo. . . Do you see Betty Crocker written on my forehead?'
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Mouse Joke
What is small, furry and brilliant at sword fights ? A mouseketeer !
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Sporting Joke
A hack golfer spends a day at a plush country club, playing golf and enjoying the luxury of a complimentary caddy. Being a hack golfer, he plays poorly all day. Round about the 18th hole, he spots a lake off to the left of the fairway. He looks at the caddy and says, 'I've played so poorly all day, I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake. ' The caddy looks back at him and says, 'I don't think you could keep your head down that long. '
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E-mail Joke
Why don't vikings send e-mails? They prefer to use Norse code.
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Elephant Joke
What do you get if you cross an elephant with the abominable snowman? A jumbo yeti.
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Heaven and hell Joke
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed. For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him That's bad. Was he generous? give money to the poor? Charities? No? St. Peter told him that that too was bad. Did he do any good deeds? Help his neighbor? Anything? No? St. Peter was becoming concerned. Exasperated, Peter says, 'Look, everybody does something nice sometime. Work with me, I'm trying to help. Now think!' The man says, 'There was this old lady. I came out of a store and found her surrounded by a dozen Hell's Angels. They had taken her purse and were shoving her around, taunting and abusing her. I got so mad I threw my bags down, fought through the crowd, and got her purse back. I then helped her to her feet. I t hen went up to the biggest, baddest biker and told him how despicable, cowardly and mean he was and then spat in his face'. 'Wow', said Peter, 'That's impressive. When did this happen'? 'Oh, about 10 minutes ago', replied the man.
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Warped Humor Joke
Q: Why did the Mummy go to the bathroom? A: To wrap itself in toilet paper!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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