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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of little people fun sounds train and other funny jokes |
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Miscellaneous Joke
TEN HUSBANDSA lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, 'Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin. What?' said the puzzled groom. 'How can that be if you've been married ten times?'Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from Field Services; he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an Engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from Finance and Administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychiatrist; all he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was . . . God, I miss him!'But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!' 'Good, ' said the husband, 'but, why?' 'Duh; you're a LAWYER. This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed!'
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Totally Weird Joke
What is a more macho man?At the critical moment when he can't get it up, he asks the woman, 'Does this happen to you often?'
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Music Joke
A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead. The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist. She asks why he keeps calling. He replies, 'I just like to hear you say it. '
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Office Humor
The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out aboutsomething exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude. But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. 'It's a period, ' reported Johnnie. 'Well I can see that, ' she said. 'But what is so exciting about a period. ''Damned if I know, ' said Johnnie, 'but this morning my sister said she missed one. . . . Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!'
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Women Joke
An English professor wrote the words, 'Woman without her man is nothing' on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing. ' The women wrote: 'Woman: Without her, man is nothing. '
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Religion Joke
On the steps of this church two pan handlers were doing their dailybusiness. One wore a large cross on his chest and the other - a starof David. Of course, most of the church goers generously gave to thecross wearer and the other was overlooked. Finally the Pastor approached the Jew and suggested that if he takeoff the star of David maybe he'd get some more hand outs. 'Get this guy, Chaim' laughs the pan handler and turns to his crosswearing pal, 'He's trying to teach *us* how to do business!'
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Ethnical Joke
An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, 'What are you going to do with the money?' 'Take jewelry to city and sell it, ' said the old man. 'What have you got for collateral?' queried the banker, going strictly by the book. 'Don't know of collateral. ' 'Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?' 'Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup. ' The banker shook his head, 'How about livestock?' 'Yes, I have a horse. ' 'How old is it?' 'I don't know; it has no teeth. ' Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, 'Here's the money to pay loan, ' he said, handing the entire amount including interest. 'What are you going to do with the rest of that money?' 'Put it in my pocket. ' 'Why don't you deposit it in my bank?' he asked. 'I don't know of deposit. ' 'Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it. ' The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, 'What you got for collateral?'
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Money Joke
A doctor had been attending a rich old man for some time, but it became apparent that the old chap had not long to live. Accordingly, the doctor advised his wealthy patient to put his affairs in order. 'Oh yes, I've done that, ' said the old gentleman. 'I've only got to make a will. And do you know what I'm going to do with all my money? I'm going to leave it to the doctor who saves my life. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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