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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of listen to weird al yankovic and other funny jokes |
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Dog Joke - 1
A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an Internet cafe and the dalmation said to the hound, 'Hey, check out my web site!' The hound asked for the address and the dalmation responded, 'www. dalmation. dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.
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Bird Joke
What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!
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Bar Joke - 2
We painted our floor with luminous paint. So now the florescent what it used to be. My sister opened a computer store on a beach in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore. A friend of mine told some jokes about religion and got put on the Sects Offenders List. A guy turns up at a costume party carrying a woman on his back. 'What are you supposed to be?' asked the host. 'I'm a snail. ' he said, 'Can't you see, I'm carrying Michelle on my back. 'Gardeners' playing cards - weed em and reap. A six-foot termite walks into a bar. He raps on the bar and asks:'Excuse me. . . is the bar tender here?'Perforation is a rip-off!A poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded. And of course, there was the pillow and mattress manufacturing company that had a problem with staff. . . Some of them just felt down all the time, and the rest were sleeping on the job. And don't forget about the telecoms engineer who was committed to an asylum. . . They said he had too many hang-ups. Friction. It's such a drag. And gravity sucks too.
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Travel and tourist Joke
Windsor castle, outside of London, is directly in the flight path of Heathrow International Airport. While a group of tourist was standing outside the castle admiring the elegant structure, a plane flew overhead at a relatively low altitude making a tremendous amount of noise. One particularly annoyed tourist whined, 'Why did they build the castle so close to the airport?'
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Simple Joke
Enlightenment Quiz1. Yin and . . . . . . . . . A) Yout B) Tonic C) Yenta D) Yang2. A Zen koan is . . . . . . . . > A) A Jewish Buddhist B) All of the above C) None of the above D) None of the above3. Just before total God-realization I would see. . . . . . . > A) A blue pearl B) Nothing C) Everything D) How would I know?4. Lao-Tsu is. . . . . . . A) Shrimp with fried rice B) The Atman Brothers C) A Japanese word for sneeze D) Someone you should know about5) Jivatman and Atman merge to become. . . . . . . A) Jivatmanatman B) The Atman Brothers C) Jivatman & Atman Inc. D) Mr. & Mrs. Atman6) The word or words which best describes the relationship of God, Guru, and Self is:- A) Oneness B) Twoness C) Penpalness D) Just good friends7) Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?> A) Jehova B) Elohim C) Yahweh D) Charlton Heston8) If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get. . . . . . . A) A Swogi B) A Salami C) Yogurt D) Heartburn9) Carlos Castaneda is: A) A flamenco dancer B) A resort near San Juan C) A mystery D) The guitarist for Santana10) Om Mani Padme Om means:- A) O Manny, pardon my home B) Money talks, nobody walks in C) If u cn rd ths msg u cn gt a gd jb D) Sanskrit for, Never having to say you're sorry11) The sound of one hand clapping is: A) Very quiet B) Similar to smiling with one lip C) A Zen record shop D) Like the 'p' in swimming12) Linguine is to fettucine as kundalini is to: A) Eenie meenie B) Halloweenie C) Harry Houdini D) Pepto Bismol (this is a silly answer)13) The Tao Te Ching is: A) The new premier of China B) A new record by Cheech and Chong C) I Ching's older brother D) A fine Chinese restaurant in New York14) You arrive at a party and your host says, 'Far out, I want to take the responsibility for creating space in your universe so you can experience your experience. ' He means: A) 'Have a good time' B) 'Don't eat the Swedish meatballs' C) 'I just completed EST training' D) Nothing anyone would understand15) If three devotees can meditate for a total of nine hours, how many devotees would it take to mow the lawn?16) If three devotees can mow the lawn in one hour, how many stoned devotees would it take to meditate until nobody cared?17) If shakti was rising toward the fourth chakra at a rate of3. 5 pranayamas per second, and at the same time an energy force was traveling in the opposite direction at a rate of4. 8 pranayamas per second, what time would it be in Chicago if we woke up in Los Angeles?True-False_______Ramakrishna is a cereal made with rice and maple flavoring. _______Satori is better than nirvana and samadhi except on weekends and holidays. _______Sufi dancing is like square dancing only rounder. _______The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a novel by Harold Robbins. Score 0-5 points: You are hopelessly attached to the wheel of life and death. Try again next incarnation!6-10 points: You are largely unconscious and stuck in worldly pleasures. 10-15 points: You are so-so on the enlightenment scale. Keep reading the New Sun. 15-20 points: You are a very conscious being; with a little good karma you could go a long way. 20-25 points: You are very close to True Awareness[Where do you find the answer key? AH - that is the REAL test. . . . . ]
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Ghost Joke
What's the first thing ghosts do when they get into a car?- They boo-kle their seatbelts
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Religion Joke
The Pope took a philosophy professor (an atheist at that) out fishing on a large lake. As they drifted on the still lake, the philosopher accidentally dropped an oar and watched it float away. The pontiff stepped out of the boat, walked across the water to the oar, grabbed it and walked back to the boat. The next day at the university, a colleague asked the philosopher if he had enjoyed fishing with the Pope. 'It was okay, but would you believe that guy can't swim?'
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Religion Joke
This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equallyfundamentally Christian pet. So, they went shopping. At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog theyliked quite a lot. When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it in a flash. When they instructed him to look up Psalm '23
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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