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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of listen to funny ringtones and other funny jokes |
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Zodiac Joke
Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None: A Leo would order somebody else to change it.
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Free Adult Joke
Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't. . . Have you looked through her briefs?He is one hard judge!Counselor, let's do it in chambers. His attorney withdrew at the last minute. Is it a penal offense?Better leave the handcuffs on. For $200 an hour, she better be good!Can you get him to drop his suit?The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. Think you can get me off?
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Job and Office Joke
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6. 0 computor and spreadsheet progroms. 3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year. 4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave. 5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions. 6. Its best for employers that I not work with people. 7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience. 8. You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time. 9. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details. 10. I was working for my mom until she decided to move. 11. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades. 12. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments. 13. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse. 14. I am loyal to my employer at all costs. . . Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail. 15. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing. 16. My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meterology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage. 17. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant. 18. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments. 19. Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. 20. Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store. 21. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job. 22. Marital status: often. Children: various. 23. Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 a. m. every morning. Could not work under those conditions. 24. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers. 25. Finished eighth in my class of ten. 26. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.
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Weather Joke
Where do lightning bolts go on dates? -To cloud 9
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Naughty Joke
Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick areperched near the front door of the girls' dorm. Severalplain Janes walk by as the two converse. Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm andsaunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and -- barely audibly-- inquires, 'Tickle your ass with a feather?'The young beauty -- startled by what she thinks she heard-- exclaims 'What?!' Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats'Typical nasty weather?' 'Oh, ' she demures, 'yes, ' and goeson her way. More young lovelys walk by and the scene is repeated. 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' 'What?' 'Typical nasty weather?'Finally, Romeo delivers his line, 'Tickle your ass with a feather?' and his prospect stops, smiles and invites him up to her room. Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention, decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likelyprospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts out, 'Cram a feather up your ass?'Shocked, the girl spins around and slaps him, to whichhe replies, 'Looks like rain!'
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Travel Humor
A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The bus seats are uncomfortable. The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's too cold. The accommodations are awful. The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone. 'Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the Blarney Stone, 'the guide said. 'Unfortunately, it's being cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we can come back tomorrow. ''We can't be here tomorrow, ' the nasty woman shouted. 'We have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss the stupid stone. ''Well now, ' the guide said, 'it is said that if you kiss someone who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune. ''And I suppose you've kissed the stone, ' the woman scoffed. 'No, ma'am, ' the frustrated guide said, 'but I've sat on it. '
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Parent Joke
A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to look for things they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked: 'It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have 'parental vision:'
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Ethnic Joke - 1
A missionary is sent into deepest darkest depths of Africa to live with atribe. He spends years with the people, teaching them to read, write andgood Christian values. One thing he particularly stresses is the evil ofsexual sin. ?Thou must not commit adultery or fornication!?One day the wife of one of the Tribe?s noblemen gives birth to a white baby. The village is shocked and the chief is sent by his people to talk with themissionary. You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here a black woman givesbirth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot inour village. Anyone can see what?s going on here!?The missionary replies, ?No, no, my good man. You are mistaken. What youhave here is a natural occurrence - what is called an albino. Look to thyyonder field. See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is one blackone. Nature does this on occasion. ?The chief pauses for a moment then says, ?Tell you what, you don?t sayanything about the sheep, I won?t say anything about the white baby. ?
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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