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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of list of yo momma jokes and other funny jokes |
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Funny College Joke
Now my motto in life, said the school chaplain, 'is work hard, play hard and pray hard. How about you, Harriet?' 'My motto is let bygones be bygones. ' 'That's good. Why did you choose that?' 'Then I wouldn't have to take any history classes!'
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Dumb Joke
Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly. Imagine the trademarks:Nike Condoms: - Just do It Toyota Condoms: - Oh what a feeling Ford Condoms: - The ride of your life Sony Condoms: - Do not underestimate the power of SonyMicrosoft Condoms: - Where do you want to go today? KFC Condoms: - Finger Licking Good M&Ms Condoms: - Melt in your mouth, not in your hands Coca-Cola Condom: - The Real ThingEver-Ready Condoms: - Keep going and goingMacintosh Condoms: - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple Pringles Condoms: - Once you pop, you can't stop
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Various animal Joke
How do you start a teddy bear race ? Ready, teddy, go !
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Letter Joke
Which two letters of the alphabet are nothing? MT (empty) .
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Miscellaneous Joke
THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS. . . . SANTA CRUZ STYLE. . . On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to me:TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming, ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note), TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping, NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression, EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Americans, SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands, SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products, FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration, (NOTE after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been revised. )FOUR hours of recorded whale songsTHREE deconstructionist poetsTWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses and. . . ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.
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Aviation Joke
It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: 'Use a thawed chicken. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
One day an Englishman, an American, and a Canadian walked into a pubtogether. The proceeded to each buy a pint of Molson Canadian. Justas they were about to enjoy their beverage three flies landed ineach of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away from him in disgust. The American fished the offending fly out of his beer and continueddrinking it as if nothing had happened. The Canadian picked the fly out of his drink and started shaking itover the pint, yelling. . . 'SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARD!!!'
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Bar Joke - 2
A man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says 'You can't bring that dog in here!' The guy, without missing a beat, says 'This is my seeing-eye dog. ' 'Oh man, ' the bartender says, 'I'm sorry, here, the first one's on me. ' The man takes his drink and goes to a table near the door. Another guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees him, stops him and says 'You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog. ' The second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says 'Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!'The second man replies 'This is my seeing-eye dog. ' The bartender says, 'No, I don't think so. They do not have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs. ' The man pauses for a half-second and replies 'What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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