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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of lions den comedy club and other funny jokes |
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Kids Joke
One day a boy asks his dad, 'What's the difference between a pussy and a cunt?' Dad thought for a minute and said, 'Come with me. 'He took his son to his mother's bedroom, where shewas sleeping nude. 'Son, ' he whispered, 'see thatbrown soft furry patch? That is a pussy. ' The boy asked, 'May I touch it to see how soft andfurry it is?' 'No!' replied his father. 'That might wake up the cunt. '
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Science Joke
Two British faggots were standing on Circular Quay looking out over the harbour. One of them pointed to a ferry and asked, 'Elton, what's that?''That's a ferry-boat, George my love, ' answered Elton. 'Oooh!' Squealed George, 'I knew there was a lot of us, but I didn't know we had our own navy!'
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Bath Joke
What criminal doesn't take baths? A dirty crook.
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Irish Joke
McNally was taking his first plane ride, flying over the Rocky Mountains. The stewardess handed him a piece of chewing gum. 'It's to keep your ears from popping at high altitudes, ' she explains. When the plane landed McNally rushed up to her. 'Miss, ' he said, 'I'm meetin' me wife right away. How do I get the gum out of me ears?'
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Simple Joke
A man was praying to God. He said, 'God!?' God responded, 'Yes?' And the guy said, 'Can I ask a question?' 'Go right ahead, ' God said. 'God, what is a million years to you?' God said, 'A million years to me is only a second. ' 'Hmmm, ' the man wondered. Then he asked, 'God, what is a million dollars worth to you?' God said, 'A million dollars to me is as a penny. 'So the man said, 'God, can I have a penny?' And God cheerfully said, 'Sure!!. . . . . just a second. '
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Food and Drink Joke
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. 'Give me a corned beef sandwich, ' he ordered. 'Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special. ' 'What's a Midnight Special?' 'A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread. ' 'Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?' 'Why, sure!' Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: 'One Midnight Special. Make it one deck, hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle and mayonnaise, and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!'
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Bumper Stickers - 3
Honk if you haven't slept with Clinton!
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Dwayne.
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub -- I'm dwowning!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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