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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of leicester square fun fair and other funny jokes |
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Funny Famous Joke
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!Psychiatrist: Sit over there and I'll deal with you later!
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Political Joke
Q: How many MP's does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it's done.
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Frog Joke
What's a frogs favourite flower ? A croakus !
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Business Joke
The bathroom scale manufacturer was very proud of the new model being introduced
at the trade fair. “Listen to these features it's calibrated to one-one-hundredth of a pound; it can measure your height as well, in feet or meters; it gives you a readout via an LED or human-voice simulator; and that's not all. . . ”
“Very impressive,” interrupted a none-too-slender sales rep for a chain of home furnishings stores, “but before I place an order I'll have to try it out. ”
“Be my guest,” said the manufacturer graciously.
No sooner had the sales rep taken his place on the scale than a loud, very human-sounding voice issued forth, “One at a time, please, one at a time!”
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Children Joke
A teacher asked her students to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Mary said, 'My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating. ' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted the word ''fascinate. '' Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated. ' The teacher said, 'Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate. '' Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' so she called on him. Billy said, 'My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8. '
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School Joke
Bonkistry Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion yearsby Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately knownas 'Bonkistry. ' He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it pasthim to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there werethese two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on allof the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc. , such that going into thefinal they had a solid A. These two friends were so confident going into the final that theweekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangoversand everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back toDuke until early monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain tohim why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to UVafor the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but thatthey had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare andcouldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back tocampus. Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make upthe final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time thatBonk had told them. He placed them in separate rooms and handed each ofthem a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the firstproblem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and wasworth 5 points. 'Cool' they thought, 'this is going to be easy. ' Theydid that problem and then turned the page. They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page. It said: (95 points) Which tire?
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School Joke for Kids
Why didn't the mouse cross the road?It's cord wasn't long enough!
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Knock Knock Joke - 1
Knock Knock Who's there ? Cliff ! Cliff who ? Cliff hanger !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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