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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of leicester city jokes and other funny jokes |
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Food and Drink Joke
Fred! What did I say I'd do if I found you with your fingers in the butter again? That's funny, Mom. I can't remember either.
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Doctor and nurse Joke
Doctor, Doctor I think I'm suffering from Deja Vu! Didn't I see you yesterday?
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Dumb Blonde Joke
Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow. )
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School Joke
Teacher: Fred, I'm glad to see your writing has improved. Pupil: Thank you Teacher: Now I can see how bad your spelling is though !
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Bar Joke - 2
What's the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids won't eat broccoli. What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. What's the difference between the capital of Russia and a calf's mother? One is Moscow, the other is cow's ma. Where did the vegetables go to get drunk? The Salad Bar. Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. Where does a one-armed man shop? At a second hand store. Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage? Ta da dump, ta da dump, ta da dump Dump DUMP!!!Which of these things don't belong: A tuna, a lobster, or a Chinese guy run over by a truck?The tuna. The other two are crustaceans. Who delivers puppies when the Vet isn't available? The mid woof. Why can't a woman ask her brother for help? Because he can't be a brother and assist her too. Why did the big moron fall off the roof and the little moron didn't? Because he was a little more on. Why did the chicken cross the road? To prove to the opossum it could be done.
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For mph Are Also Timed For mph.
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Joke for Kids
Q: What happens when a Polak doesn't pay his garbage bill?A: They stop delivering.
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Computer Joke
DOS Beer: Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. However, the can is divided into 8 compartments of 2 oz. each, which have to be accessed separately. Soon to be discontinued, although a lot of people are going to keep drinking it after it's no longer available. Mac Beer: At first, came only a 16-oz. can, but now comes in a 32-oz. can. Considered by many to be a 'light' beer. All the cans look identical. When you take one from the fridge, it opens itself. The ingredients list is not on the can. If you call to ask about the ingredients, you are told that 'you don't need to know. ' A notice on the side reminds you to drag your empties to the trashcan. Windows 3. 1 Beer: The world's most popular. Comes in a 16-oz. can that looks a lot like Mac Beer's. Requires that you already own a DOS Beer. Claims that it allows you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously, but in reality you can only drink a few of them, very slowly, especially slowly if you are drinking the Windows Beer at the same time. Sometimes, for apparently no reason, a can of Windows Beer will explode when you open it. OS/2 Beer: Comes in a 32-oz can. Does allow you to drink several DOS Beers simultaneously. Allows you to drink Windows 3. 1 Beer simultaneously too, but somewhat slower. Advertises that its cans won't explode when you open them, even if you shake them up. You never really see anyone drinking OS/2 Beer, but the manufacturer (International Beer Manufacturing) claims that 9 million six-packs have been sold. Windows 95 Beer: You can't buy it yet, but a lot of people have taste-tested it and claim it's wonderful. The can looks a lot like Mac Beer's can, but tastes more like Windows 3. 1 Beer. It comes in 32-oz. cans, but when you look inside, the cans only have 16 oz. of beer in them. Most people will probably keep drinking Windows 3. 1 Beer until their friends try Windows 95 Beer and say they like it. The ingredients list, when you look at the small print, has some of the same ingredients that come in DOS beer, even though the manufacturer claims that this is an entirely new brew. Windows NT Beer: Comes in 32-oz. cans, but you can only buy it by the truckload. This causes most people to have to go out and buy bigger refrigerators. The can looks just like Windows 3. 1 Beer's, but the company promises to change the can to look just like Windows 95 Beer's - after Windows 95 beer starts shipping. Touted as an 'industrial strength' beer, and suggested only for use in bars. Unix Beer: Comes in several different brands, in cans ranging from 8 oz. to 64 oz. Drinkers of Unix Beer display fierce brand loyalty, even though they claim that all the different brands taste almost identical. Sometimes the pop-tops break off when you try to open them, so you have to have your own can opener around for those occasions, in which case you either need a complete set of instructions or a friend who has been drinking Unix Beer for several years. AmigaDOS Beer: The company has gone out of business, but their recipe has been picked up by some weird German company, so now this beer will be an import. This beer never really sold very well because the original manufacturer didn't understand marketing. Like Unix Beer, AmigaDOS Beer fans are an extremely loyal and loud group. It originally came in a 16-oz. can, but now comes in 32-oz. cans too. When this can was originally introduced, it appeared flashy and colorful, but the design hasn't changed much over the years, so it appears dated now. Critics of this beer claim that it is only meant for watching TV anyway. VMS Beer: Requires minimal user interaction, except for popping the top and sipping. However cans have been known on occasion to explode, or contain extremely un-beer-like contents. Best drunk in high pressure development environments. When you call the manufacturer for the list of ingredients, you're told that is proprietary and referred to an unknown listing in the manuals published by the FDA. Rumors are that this was once listed in the Physicians' Desk Reference as a tranquilizer, but no one can claim to have actually seen it.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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