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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of leaving jokes and other funny jokes |
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Clean Humor
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unmanned, he called a rabbi friend up and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he'd stay with him and show him what to do. The rabbi comes and he and the priest are in the confessional. In a few minutes a woman comes in and says 'Father forgive me for I have sinned. 'The priest asks 'What did you do?'. The woman says 'I Committed adultery. 'Priest: 'How many times?'Woman: 'Three times. ' Priest: 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more. 'A few minutes later another woman enters the confessional. She says 'Father forgive me for I have sinned. 'Priest: 'What did you do?'Woman: 'I committed adultery. 'Priest: 'How many times?'Woman: 'Three times. 'Priest: 'Say two Hail Mary's, put $5 in the box and go and sin no more. 'The rabbi tells the priest that he thinks he's got it so the priest leaves. A few minutes later another woman enters and says 'Father forgive me for I have sinned. 'Rabbi: 'What did you do?' Woman: 'I committed adultery. 'Rabbi: 'How many times?'Woman: 'Just once. 'Rabbi: 'Go do it two more times. We have a special this week, three for $5. '
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Election Joke
It's still the economy.
And he's still stupid.
Clinton and Gore,
Gone in four!
Honk if Bill Clinton says you're rich!
Bumper sticker on Arkansan car:
If you can read this
You're not from here
Impeach Clinton!
And her husband, too!
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Short Stupid Joke
A young woman was in the hospital, recovering from major surgery. She hated being stuck in the tiny little room all day and to make matters worse, the daily routine was starting to get to her. Every morning, for example, the nurse would bring her breakfast (which always consisted of an egg, piece of toast, and glass of apple juice). She would then return a little bit later to empty the urine bottle. And so it continued. . . Finally, one morning, she decided to have a little fun. She ate the eggs and the toast, but went to the bathroom where she cleaned the urine bottle out, then poured the apple juice into it. When the nurse returned later that morning, he took a look at the bottle and a frown came over his face. 'Obviously, you enjoyed your breakfast, but something must be wrong because this looks a little cloudy, ' he said, pointing to the urine bottle. 'Oh, really?' she replied, picking up the bottle in question and putting it to her lips. 'In that case, we'd better run it through again. . . '
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Law Joke
A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too closely and completely tore off the door on the driver's side.
The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
'I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are,' he said. 'You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else. '
'How can you say such a thing?' asked the lawyer.
The cop replied,'Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you. '
'My God!' screamed the lawyer. 'Where's my Rolex?'
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Mom and Dad Joke
Kids can sometimes ask the toughest questions. Son: Father, Can I ask you a question?Father: Ok ask. Son: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor. Father: !!!??????!!!
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Military Joke
During camouflage training in Louisiana, a private disguised as a tree trunk had made a sudden move that was spotted by a visiting general. 'You simpleton!' the officer barked. 'Don't you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?' 'Yes sir, ' the solder answered apologetically. 'But, if I may say so, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice. And I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches. But When two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger say, 'Let's eat one now and save the other until winter' --- that did it. '
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Silliest Joke
Q: What's the difference between a faggot and a queer?A: A faggot won't go downtown with you to beat up queers!
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Telephone Joke
Kelso met Hensley on the street. 'Hey!' said Kelso, 'how come I never hear from you? Why don't you call me on the telephone?' 'You ain't got no tellyphone!' said Hensley. 'I know, ' said Kelso. 'But you do!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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