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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of learn stand up comedy and other funny jokes |
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Kids Joke
Tommy, Johnny and Harry were standing around bullshitting about how tough their fathers were. 'My dad went 12 rounds with Mike Tyson. Lick that!' said young Harry. 'Well, my dad did two tours of Vietnam and killed 19 men. . . so lick that!' Tommy said. 'That's nothing!' declared little Johnny. 'My dad hasn't wiped his ass in 10 years. . . so lick that!'
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Strange Humor
One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. Greeting him the Lord says, 'You've lived a good life. If there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know. 'The cat thinks for a minute and says 'Well, all my life I lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor. . . ' The Lord stops the cat and says 'Say no more!' Just then a wonderful fluffy pillow appears and the cat contentedly wanders off to find a good place to nap. A few days later six mice killed in a tragic farming accident go to heaven. The Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer: 'All of our lives we've been chased. We've had to run from cats, from tractors, even from that farmer's wife with her broom. We're tired of running. . . ' 'Say no more!' The Lord replies. In a flash, eachmouse is fitted with a beautiful new pair of roller skates, and they skate happily off to explore the Heavenly landscape. About a week later The Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing away. He gently wakes the cat and asks, 'How are things since you got here?'The cat stretches, yawns, and replies 'Oh, it is wonderful here. I get a lot of great sleep on this pillow, and those Meals On Wheels you've been sending are the BEST!!!'
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Humor Joke
What's the difference between snowmen and snowladies?Snowballs.
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Beauty Joke
A little boy came running into the kitchen. 'Dad, dad' he said, 'there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face' 'Tell him you've already got one, ' said his father !
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Computer Joke
After a caller gave a technician her PC's serial number, he scanned a database of registered users and responded, 'I see you have an Aptiva' desktop unit. Before he could say another word, the caller shrieked and said she'd be right back. When the customer returned, the technician asked if she was all right. The caller responded: 'Had I realized you could see me, I never would have telephoned in my bathrobe. '
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Dirty Joke
Q: What is the smartest thing that can come out of a blonde's mouth? A: Einstein's dick.
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Women Joke
Why did God invent shopping carts? To teach women how to walk on their hind legs.
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Mouse Joke
What kind of musical instrument do mice play ? A mouse organ !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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