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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of le strange hotel hunstanton and other funny jokes |
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Parent Joke
There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother. When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid. When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins. He said, 'The first one was a girl. ' The mother: 'What did you name her?!?' Brother: 'Denise!' The Mom: 'Oh, wow, That's not bad! What about the second one?' Brother: 'The second one was a boy. ' The Mom: 'Oh, and what did you name him?' Brother: 'Denephew. '
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I’m Just Driving This Way To Piss You Off.
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Divorce Joke
A hillbilly walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for divorce. Attorney: 'May I help you?' Hillbilly: 'Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorces'. Attorney: 'Well do you have any grounds?' Hillbilly: 'Yea, I got about a hundred acres. ' Attorney: 'No, you don't understand, do you have a case?' Hillbilly: 'No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere. ' Attorney: 'I mean, do you have a grudge?' Hillbilly: 'Yea, I got a grudge. That's where I park my John Deere. ' Attorney: 'No sir, I mean do you have a suit?' Hillbilly: 'Yes sir, I got a suit, I wear it to church on Sundays. ' Attorney: 'Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?' Hillbilly: 'No sir, we both get up about 4:30 in the morning. ' Attorney: 'Well, is she a nagger or anything?!?!?!?' Hillbilly: 'No she's a little white gal, but our last child was a nagger . That's why I want this dayvorce. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
1. Stick your open palm under the stall wall and ask your neighbor, 'May I borrow a highlighter?' 2. Say, 'Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't have put my lips on that. ' 3. Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise. 4. Say, 'Damn, this water's cold. ' 5. Drop a marble and say, 'Oh shit! My glass eye!' 6. Say, 'Hmmm, I've never seen that color before. ' 7. Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantelope into the toilet bowl from a height of 6 feet. Sigh relaxingly. 8. Say, 'Now how did that get there?' 9. Say, 'Humus. Reminds me of humus. ' 10. Fill up a large flask with Mountain Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling, 'Whoa! Easy boy!' 11. Say, 'Interesting. . more floaters than sinkers. ' 12. Using a small squeeze tube, spread peanut butter on a wad of toilet paper and drop the wad under the stall wall of your neighbor. Then say, 'Whoops, could you kick that back over here please?' 13. Say, 'C'mon Mr. Happy! Don't fall asleep on me. ' 14. Fill a balloon with creamed corn. Rush into the stall with your hand over your mouth and let out a lengthy vomit impression while you squeeze the balloon and splatter cream corn all about. Apologize profusely and blame it on the fettucine alfredo you had for breakfast. 15. Say, 'Boy, that sure looks like a maggot. 16. Say, 'Damn, I knew that drain hole was a little too small. Now what am I gonna do?' 17. Play a well known drum cadence over and over again on your butt cheeks. 18. Before you unroll toilet paper, conspicuously lay down your 'Cross-Dressers Anonymous' newsletter on the floor visible to the adjacent stall. 19. Lower a small mirror underneath the stall wall, adjust it so you can see your neighbor and say, 'Peek-a-boo!' 20. Drop a D-cup bra on the floor under the stall wall and sing 'Born Free'.
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Medical Joke
One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. Lastly he told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep his testis pouch empty. After that operation he met the same patient in a garden for morning walk. Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling now. He said 'Doc everything is fine, life is very cool except that whenever Iscratch my balls, my eyes start watering. '
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Blonde Joke - 2
I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts. . . . she gave me change!
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School Joke
Fred: I've added these figures ten times. Teacher: Good work! Fred: And here are my ten answers !
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Medical Joke
What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath? Throw in your laundry.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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