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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of laurel and hardy dvd and other funny jokes |
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Waiter Joke
Patron: How come this fly is swimming in my soup? Waiter: I gave you too much. It should be wading.
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Kids School Joke
When should a mouse carry an umbrella?When it's raining cats and dogs!
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Miscellaneous Joke
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines(collected by journalists)1. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says2. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted4. Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case5. Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents6. Farmer Bill Dies in House7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms8. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?9. Stud Tires Out10. Prostitutes Appeal to Pope11. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again13. British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands14. Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms15. Eye Drops off Shelf16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 6620. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in `8430. War Dims Hope for Peace31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures33. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge35. Deer Kill '17
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Warped Humor Joke
Which painter always had a very bad cold? Vincent Van Cough
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Mad Joke
61. Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning ? A: Pack their lunch and send them to work. 62. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? A1: Introduces themself. A2: Walks home. 63. Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? A: From crawling across the street when the sign said 'DON'T WALK'. 64. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning? A: Fertilised. 65. Q: How does a blonde like her eggs? A: Unfertilised. 66. Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex? A: Opens the car door. 67. Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex? A: Locking the car door. 68. Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex ? A: Kick open the car door. 69. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who was disappointed when she got her driver's license? A: The instructor gave her an 'F' in sex. 70. Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? A: More head room. 71. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room. 72. Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH, VROOM, SCREECH? A: A blonde going through a flashing red light. 73. Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat? A: In case she locks the keys in her car. 74. Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on? A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. 75. Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch? A: To turn the blinker off. 76. Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel? A: An Air Bag. 77. Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!78. Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw '911' on the back and thought it was a Porsche. 79. Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond? A: Bucket seats. 80. Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band/team? A3: Do you guys all play for the Rams?
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Law Enforcement Joke
The phone rings at FBI headquarters. 'Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood!' 'Thank you very much for the call, sir. ' The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house. Hey, Clifford, did the FBI come?' 'Yep. ' 'Did they chop your firewood?' 'Yep. ' 'Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed. '
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Dumb Men Joke
When should you care for a man's company?When he owns it.
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Lawyer Joke
A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, 'In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they?ll have something to spend over there. 'They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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