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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of laugh and learn puppy and other funny jokes |
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Baby Joke
Q: What's pink and red and can't turn round in a corridor? A: A baby with a javellin through its head.
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Romance Joke
What should you say if he asks you 'Am I your first'?'You might be - you look familiar'
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Police Joke
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates. The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time. After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area. Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community. . . . and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over. The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top which he had promised his wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him. But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden, 'Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place'.
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Law Enforcement Joke
A prisioner in jail received a letter from his wife: 'I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?' The prisioner, knowing that the prison guards read all the mail, replied in a letter: 'Dear Wife, whatever you do, DO NOT touch the back garden! That is where I hid all the gold. ' A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: 'You wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up the whole back garden. ' The prisoner wrote another letter: 'Dear wife, NOW is the best time to plant the lettuce!'
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Military Joke
The General went out to find that none of his G. I. s were there. One finally ran up, panting heavily. 'Sorry, sir! I can explain, you see I had a date and it ran a little late. I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here. ' The General was very skeptical about this explanation but at least he was here so he let the G. I. go. Moments later, eight more G. I. s came up to the general panting, he asked them why they were late. 'Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but it broke down, found a farm, bought a horse but it dropped dead, ran 10 miles, and now I'm here. ' The General eyed them, feeling very skeptical but since he let the first guy go, he let them go, too. A ninth G. I. jogged up to the General, panting heavily. \r \n'Sorry, sir! I had a date and it ran a little late, I ran to the bus but missed it, I hailed a cab but. . . ' 'Let me guess, ' the General interrupted, 'it broke down. ' 'No, ' said the G. I. , 'there were so many dead horses in the road, it took forever to get around them. '
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Elderly People Joke
Three elderly men are at the doctor for a memory test. Thedoctor says to the first man, 'What is three times three?'''274
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E-mail Joke
When do e-mails stop being in black and white? When they are read.
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Joke for Kids
Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man started to scream for help. A local fisherman ran up. The man gasped, 'My wife is drowning and I can't swim. Please save her. I'll give you a hundred dollars. 'The fisherman dived into the water. In ten powerful strokes, he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman said, 'Okay, buddy, where's my hundred?'The man said, 'Look, when I saw her going down for the third time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law. 'The fisherman reached into his pocket and said. . . 'Just my luck! So tell me, what do I owe you?'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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