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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of kurdish funny film and other funny jokes |
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Accountant Joke
Three partners in an accounting firm go out to lunch. They are the audit partner, the tax partner and the senior partner. One of them sees a brass lamp lying in the gutter. Curious, they pick it up and give it a rub. Instantly, a genie appears. 'You know the deal, ' says the genie. 'Three wishes. But seeing there are three of you, you can have one wish each. ' 'Great, ' says the audit partner. 'Take me to the Whitsunday Islands, give me a blonde and an endless supply of Archive of kurdish funny film and other funny jokes and leave me there for ever. ' Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone. 'Now me, ' says the tax partner. 'Take me to the Cook Islands, give me two blondes and an endless supply of offshore tax schemes and leave me there for ever. ' Pouf! There is a flash of light, a puff of smoke and he is gone. The genie turns to the senior partner. 'And what do you want?' 'I want those two ba ck in the office straight after lunch. '
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Restaurant Joke
At our local restaurant you can eat dirt cheap - but who wants to eat dirt?
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Business Joke
It's thunderstorm season and when the power goes out at one branch office, the uninterruptible power supplies kick in, everything gracefully shuts down, and the technician waits for power to return. And waits. And waits.
'Late evening sees the power restored, and we go about bringing the network back to life,' says the tech.
Next morning, the phone rings. It's a very irate corporate administrator wanting to know why we had an unscheduled outage the day before. The tech calmly explain about the storm, which he had no control over.
The Administrator's response? 'Next time, put it on the schedule before you have an unexpected outage!'
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Silliest Joke
Two old guys were fishing in a boat on Lake Michigan. A bottle comes floating by in the current. One codger scoops it up, sees a cork in the top, and yanks it out. A genie pops out in a puff of smoke and says, 'You get one wish between the two of you--make it a good one. 'The old man in the front of the boat yells back to his fishing buddy. 'Lemme handle this--I know just what to ask for!'He looks at the genie and says, 'We want the whole lake to be turned into ice cold beer!' The genie nods and says, 'You got it, boys!'And instantaneously, the whole lake is beer!The old man in the back of the boat throws a life preserver, smacks his buddy up-side the head, and yells out, 'You idiot! Why the heck did you do that?'''Whadaya talking about?' the other fisherman answers. 'I thought you'd like a lake-full of beer. What's the problem?''I do like it. . . but the problem is. . . now we gotta piss in the boat!!!!'
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Joke for Kids
Actual comments received in 1996 from the Bridger Wilderness registration sheets and comment cards:Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands. Instead of a permit system or regulations, the Forest Service needs to reduce world-wide population growth to limit the number of visitors to wilderness. Ban walking sticks in wilderness. Hikers that use walking sticks are more likely to chase animals. All the mile markers are missing this year. Found a smoldering cigarette left by a horse. Trail needs to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill. Too many bugs and leaches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests. Please pave the trails so they can be plowed of snow during the winter. Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them. The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals. A small deer came into my camp and stole my jar of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed? Please call __ __ __. Reflectors need to be placed on trees every 50 feet so people can hike at night with flashlights. Escalators would help on steep uphill sections. Need more signs to keep area pristine. A McDonalds would be nice at the trailhead. The places where trails do not exist are not well marked. I brought lots of sandwich makings, but forgot bread. If you have extra bread, leave it in the yellow tent at V Lake. Too many rocks in the mountains.
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Baby Joke
Who is bigger - Mrs Bigger or Mrs Bigger's baby? Mrs Bigger's baby, because he's a little Bigger.
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Military Joke
The Captain called the Sergeant in. 'Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private Jones' mother died yesterday. Better go tell him and send him in to see me. ' So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation and lines up all the troops. 'Listen up, men, ' says the Sergeant. 'Johnson, report to the mess hall for KP. Smith, report to Personnel to sign some papers. The rest of you men report to the Motor Pool for maintenance. Oh by the way, Jones, your mother died, report to the commander. ' Later that day the Captain called the Sergeant into his office. 'Hey, Sarge, that was a pretty cold way to inform Jones his mother died. Couldn't you be a bit more tactful, next time?' 'Yes, sir, ' answered the Sarge. A few months later, the Captain called the Sergeant in again with, 'Sarge, I just got a telegram that Private McGrath's mother died. You'd better go tell him and send him in to see me. This time be more tactful. ' So the Sergeant calls for his morning formation. 'Ok, men, fall in and listen up. ' 'Everybody with a mother, take two steps forward. ' 'Not so fast, McGrath!'
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Love and Marriage Joke
Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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