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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of kings of comedy dvd and other funny jokes |
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Dead and dying Joke
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she pauses, reflects and then says, 'Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown died'. ' Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a 7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on her fingers and replies, 'In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up for sale'. '
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Bumper Stickers - 1
Fight crime - Shoot back
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Fun Joke
Recently, on an outing with my scout troop, the question came up of when the new millenium will begin--January 1st 2000 or 2001. So the Scoutmaster explained that each century begins with year '1' and ends with year '100'-thus the reason why the 20th century began at the start of 1901 and will end at the close of 2000. To illustrate his point, he gathered 15 berries and asked the boys how many he had. Each boy correctly answered '15'. His next question was, 'Now which berry is number '0'?'To which one boy blurted out, 'The one that isn't there!'
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Bar Joke - 2
Do you know what the height of hard upfullness is?Two old ladies in an asparagus patch doing knee bends!
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Bizarre Joke
Things Not To Do While Waiting For Your Date At Her Parents' House10. Sniff the air and say it smells like a bordello. 9. Repeatedly zip and unzip your fly. 8. Go into a lengthy story about how you had Mexican food last night and ask if you can use the bathroom. 7. Mention that 'Mr Happy' is primed and ready. 6. Ask what time you should return your date tomorrow morning. 5. Recite a couple of bawdy limericks. 4. Ask the mom and dad what position they were in when they conceived their daughter. 3. Scratch your crotch and say your herpes is acting up again. 2. Pretend to eat your arm. 1. Ask the dad if you can borrow a couple of condoms.
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Joke for Speeches
10. Could our relationship be more physical?? I'm tired of being just friends. 9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that way. 8. I think hairy butts are really sexy. 7. Hey, get a whiff of that one. 6. Please don't throw that old T-shirt away. The holes in the armpit are just to too cute. 5. This diamond is just way too big. 4. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow. 3. Wow!! It really is 14 inches. 2. Does this make my butt look too small??1. I'm wrong, you must be right again. .
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Military Joke
Time sensitive note: This joke pertains to the crash of a Chinese plane into a United States plane over International waters. China demanded an apology from us and stole technology from our plane when it was forced to make an emergency landing in Chinese lands. In a heroic dogfight, fought over international waters off the mainland China coast, a 60s era American-built Lockheed Electra propeller airliner with 24 US Navy passengers/observers aboard chewed up one of China's best state-of-the-art supersonic fighter aircraft. The Americans utilizing the infrequently seen combat tactic of straight and level flight, often accomplished by relying solely on auto pilot, engaged the unfortunate single seat combat jet and knocked it out of the air using only one of its four formidable rotating air mass propeller weapons system. After the action, the crew and passengers/observers dropped in on China's Hainan Island Resort for some much-deserved R&R as guests of the Chinese government. Reprinted from the Taiwan Daily Gazette
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Dumb People Joke
A Texan convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a two-year prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a forged check. He got his prison term back, plus eight more years.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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