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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of killing joke revelations and other funny jokes |
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Bar Joke - 2
A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride. His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle. Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice. 'Doctor, I can't seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I can't satisfy her. What can I do?'The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, 'Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and you'll find that you'll last longer and ultimately satisfy her. ''Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help. 'Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home. 'Be prepared, my darling. I'm going to ravish you, ' she cooed over the phone. Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctor's advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him?He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb underneath the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there. A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his 'therapy'. A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, 'Yes?''Sir, I'm with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?' said the officer. 'Yes, officer, I'm inspecting my truck's rear axle, ' he replied confidently. 'Well, why don't you check the brakes while you're down there. Your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago. '
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Aviation Joke
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on with, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt up against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal. '
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Miscellaneous Joke
Two So-Cal guys were picked up by the cops for smoking dope and appeared in court before the judge. The judge said, 'You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance rather than jail time. I want you togo out this weekend and try to show others the evils of drug use and get them to give up drugs forever. I'll see you back in court Monday. Monday, the two guys were in court, and the judge said to the first one, 'How did you do over the weekend?''Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever. ' '17 people? That's wonderful. What did you tell them?''I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: _ / O _ /and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs. ''That's admirable, ' said the judge. 'And you, how did you do?' (to the 2nd boy)'Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever. ' '156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!' 'Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to thesmall circle and told them, 'this is your asshole before prison. . . . . . '
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Dumb Men Joke
Why do men act like idiots? Who says they're acting?
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Car and train Joke
What should a teacher take if he's run down? The number of the car that hit him.
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Bumper Stickers - 6
My kid got your honor roll student pregnant.
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Snake Joke
Why wouldn't the snake go on the weighing maching ? Because he had his own scales !
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Father Joke
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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