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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of junglee fun dundee and other funny jokes |
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Funny College Joke
All the fraternity brothers left the house for a long weekend except for Grady, who decided to stay behind and get some studying done. One night Grady heard a noise under his bed. Fearing it might be a burglar, he leaned over and whispered, 'Anybody there?' 'No, ' said the burglar. 'That's funny, ' the boy said to himself. 'I could have sworn I heard a noise!'
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Clean Joke
A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops in a bar for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying 'NERDS NOT ALLOWED-ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!' He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, and says, 'You smell kind of nerdy, and just what do you do for a living?' The truck driver says, 'I drive a truck, and the smell is just from the computers I'm hauling. ' The bartender says, 'OK, truck drivers are not nerds, ' and serves him a beer. As he is sipping his beer, a skinny guy walks in with tape around his glasses, a pocket protector with twelve kinds of pens and pencils, and a belt at least a foot too long. The bartender, without saying a word, pulls out a shotgun and blows the guy away. The truck driver asks, 'Why did you do that?' The bartender said, 'Oh, don't worry, the nerds are over-populating the Silicon Valley, and are in season now. You don't even need a license. ' So the truck driver finishes his beer, gets back in his truck, And heads back onto the freeway. Suddenly he veers to avoid an accident, and the load shifts. The back door breaks open and computers spill out all over the freeway. He jumps out and sees a crowd already forming, grabbing up the computers. They are all engineers, accountants and programmers wearing the nerdiest clothes he has ever seen. He can't let them steal his whole load. So remembering what happened in the bar, he pulls out his gun and starts blasting away, felling several of them instantly. A highway patrol officer comes zooming up and jumps out of the car screaming at him to stop. The truck driver said, 'What's wrong? I thought nerds were in season. ' 'Sure, ' said the patrolman, 'But you can't bait 'em. '
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Bar Joke - 1
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs. Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands flat on his rear end. That wouldn't have been so bad, except that he had couple of empty pint bottles in his back pockets, and they broke, and the broken glass carved up his buttocks terribly. But, he was so drunk that he didn't know he was hurt. A few minutes later, as he was undressing, he noticed blood, so he checked himself out in the mirror, and, sure enough, his behind was cut up something terrible. Well, he repaired the damage as best he could under the circumstances, and he went to bed. The next morning, his head was hurting, and his rear was hurting, and he was hunkering under the covers trying to think up some good story, when his wife came into the bedroom. 'Well, you really tied one on last night, ' she said. 'Where'd you go?' 'I worked late, ' he said, 'and I stopped off for a couple of beers. ''A couple of beers? That's a laugh, ' she replied, 'You got plastered last night. Where the heck did you go?''What makes you so sure I got drunk last night, anyway?''Well, ' she replied, 'my first big clue was when I got up this morning and found a bunch of band-aids stuck to the mirror. '
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Political Joke
Q: How many republicans does it take to raise your taxes? A: None. The democrats do that.
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Joke for Kids
The MammogramThis is an x-ray that has its own name because no one wants to actually say the word breast. Mammograms require your breasts to do gymnastics. If you have extremely agile breasts, you should do fine. Most breasts however, pretty much hang around doing nothing in particular so they are woefully unprepared. But you can prepare for a mammogram right at home using these simple exercises:1. Refrigerate two bookends overnight. Lay one of your breasts (either will do) beetween the two bookends and smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Repeat three times daily. 2. Locate a pasta maker or old wringer washer. Feed the breast into the machine and start cranking. Repeat twice daily. 3. (Advanced) Situate yourself comfortably on your side on the garage floor. Place one of your breasts snugly behind the rear tire of the family van. When you give the signal, hubby will slowly ease the car into reverse. Hold for five seconds. Repeat on the other side.
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Bumper Stickers - 6
No Sense Being Pessimistic. It Wouldn’t Work Anyway
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Dirty Joke
A man comes home from work one night to catch his blonde girlfriend sliding down the banister naked. He blurts out, 'What do you think you're doing?' 'Just heating up dinner' she replies.
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Election Joke
Hillary Clinton was on her way somewhere when he came across a little boy selling puppies. She stops and asks the boy 'What kind of puppies are they?'
The boy replies, 'They're Democratic puppies, Ma'am. ' With this she smiles and walks off.
Later on that day she mentions to Bill about the boy and his puppies and suggested that it might be nice to have a puppy around the house. The next week Bill was on his way to McDonald's and saw the boy and his puppies. He stops and asks the boy, 'What kind of puppies are they?'
The boy replies, 'They're Republican puppies, Sir. '
'Republican puppies?' Bill asked. 'Last week you told my wife they were Democratic puppies. '
The boy replied, 'I know, Sir. But since then they opened their eyes. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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