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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of junglee fun and other funny jokes |
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Baby Joke
What do you get if you cross a baby with soldiers ? Infantry !
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Old Age Joke
Thought I'd let my doctor check me,
'Cause I didn't feel quite right. . .
All those aches and pains annoyed me
And I couldn't sleep at night.
He could find no real disorder
But he wouldn't let it rest.
What with Medicare and Blue Cross,
We would do a couple tests.
To the hospital he sent me
Though I didn't feel that bad.
He arranged for them to give me
Every test that could be had.
I was fluoroscoped and cystoscoped,
My aging frame displayed.
Stripped, on an ice cold table,
While my gizzards were x-rayed.
I was checked for worms and parasites,
For fungus and the crud,
While they pierced me with long needles
Taking samples of my blood.
Doctors came to check me over,
Probed and pushed and poked around,
And to make sure I was living
They then wired me for sound.
They have finally concluded,
Their results have filled a page.
What I have will someday kill me;
My affliction is old age.
Anon (If you know the poet please tell us)
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Strange Humor
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the lady behind the wheel was knitting!Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yells, 'PULLOVER!''NO, ' she yelled back over the sound of the siren, 'It's a SCARF!'
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Funny College Joke
Three students from Michigan State, the University of Kentucky and Texas A & M on summer vacation in France were caught smuggling cocaine and sentenced to death by guillotine. The judge turned to the boy from Michigan and asked, 'Do you have any final words, son?' 'Yeah, drop dead!' snapped the Wolverine. Hearing this, the judge signaled for the sentence to be carried out. The executioner pulled the lever, and as the crowd gaped in astonishment, the giant blade came to a screeching halt three inches from the victim's throat. 'It's God's will! Let him go!' cried the judge. Next the fella from U. of Kentucky was put on the block, and the judge asked again, 'And what are your final remarks, my boy?' 'Go to hell!' shouted the student, and the judge signaled. The razor-sharp blade fell and miraculously stopped just a quarter inch from the condemned boy's neck. 'It's the wi ll of God!' exclaimed the judge. 'Set him free!' Finally the Texan was put into position. 'Before you're beheaded, ' said the judge, 'do you have any last words?' 'Yeh!' replied the Aggie. 'If y'all will just put a little more grease on them grooves, the blade'll come down a whole lot easier!'
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Music Joke
Q: What's the difference between a chainsaw and an accordion? A: A chainsaw can be tuned.
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Weird Women Joke
Did you hear about Tempura House?It's a shelter for lightly battered women.
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Brother and sister Joke
So you are distantly related to the family next door, are you? Yes- their dog is our dog's brother.
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Marriage Joke
A guy is down on his luck. He takes his last $500 and goes to Las Vegas. Overnight, he has a fantastic run of luck. He stumbles out of the casino and finds a pay phone. He calls his wife and says, 'Honey, pack your bags. I just won over a million dollars in Vegas. ' His wife say, 'That's wonderful. What should I pack for. . . Europe, the Carribean?' He says, 'I don't care, just be gone when I get home. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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