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injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of jongleurs comedy club london and other funny jokes |
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Funny Kids Joke
Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?So he could hide in the cherry tree!What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?Big holes all over Australia!What's the difference between a sick elephant and seven days?One is a weak one and the other one week!What pill would you give to an elephant that can't sleep?Trunkquilizers!Why are elephants grey?So you can tell them from flamingos!Elephant Keeper: 'My Elephant isn't well, do you know a good animal doctor?' Zoo Keeper: 'No, all the doctors I know are people!' Why do elephants scratch themselves?Because they're the only ones who know where they itch!How does an elephant get down from a tree?He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn!Why did the elephant paint himself with different colours?Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box!How do you know that peanuts are fattening?Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
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Joke for Speeches
Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us from hangovers. For thine is the beer, The bitter, The lager.
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Beauty Joke
Mary: Do you think my sister's pretty ? Gary: Well, let's just say if you pulled her pigtail she'd probably say 'oink, oink '!
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Apple Joke
What did the worm want to do when he grew up? He wanted to join the Apple Core (Corps).
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Bus Joke
Why did the bat miss the bus? Because he hung around for too long.
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Bumper Stickers - 7
To all you virgins; thanks for nothing!
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Relationships Joke
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. 'Father, ' he said, 'I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. 'His father replied, 'Don't you love this girl?''Oh yes, very much, ' he said, ' but you see, I have very smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them. ''No problem, ' said dad, 'all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed. ' Well, to him this seemed a workable solution. The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom. ' Mom, ' she said, 'When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful. ''Honey, ' her mother consoled, 'everyone has bad breath in the morning. ''No, you don't understand, . My morning breath is so bad, I'm afraid that my fiance will not want to sleep in the same room with me. 'Her mother said simply, 'Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the kitchen and make breakfast. While the family is busy eating, move on to the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. ''I shouldn't say good morning or anything?' the daughter asked. 'Not a word, ' her mother affirmed. 'Well, it's certainly worth a try, ' she thought. The loving couple were finally married. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later. Shortly before dawn one morning, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, wakes his bride and without thinking, she asks, 'What on earth are you doing?''Oh, my, ' he replies, 'you've swallowed my sock!'
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Funny Famous Joke
Don't be sexist. Broads hate that!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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