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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of jongleurs comedy club leicester and other funny jokes |
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Naughty Joke
A man comes to a doctor and, twitching his fingers and stuttering, finally manages to say, 'Doctor, I have a sexual performance problem. Can you help me?''Oh, that's not a problem for us men anymore!' announces a proudphysician, 'They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, thatdoes the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history. 'So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merryway. A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on thestreet. 'Doctor, Doctor!' exclaims the man excitedly, 'I've got tothank you! This drug is a miracle! It's wonderful! I've had sexfourteen times in eight days!''Well, I'm glad to hear that' says the pleased physician, 'What doesyour wife think about it?''Wife?' asks the man, 'I haven't even been home yet!'
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
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Village Idiot Joke
Why does the Philippines ban rectal thermometers? They cause too much brain damage.
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Bumper Stickers - 7
You ain't seen nothin' yet. . .
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Old People Joke
OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played outOLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to barOLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-lineOLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayedOLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hootOLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peacesOLD PARADOXES never die, they just become enigmasOLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they get sent to the old focus homeOLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developingOLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz offOLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher planeOLD PLANETS never die, they just lose their attractionOLD PLASTIC never dies, they just recycle itOLD PLUMBERS never die, they just go down the drainOLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out
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Relationships Joke
A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stopsinto a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to theMadam, drops down $500 and says, 'I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!'The Madam is astonished. 'But sir, for that kind of money youcould have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal. 'The trucker replies, 'Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'mhomesick. '
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Horse Joke
Three race horses stood in their stalls. One said to other others: 'I ran 20 races and I won 15 of them!' she bragged. The next said with a snort, 'Well, I ran 30 races and won 25 of them!' Then the third horse spoke up proudly, 'Yeah, I ran 41 races and won 39 of them!' This seemed to settle the topic when the horses noticed a Greyhound outside their stalls. The Greyhound said, 'I ran 100 races and I won 99 of them. ' The horses looked at each other in amazement and one gasped, 'Wow! A talking greyhound!'
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Real Life Joke
The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Fort Worth, Texas:Lee Lively thought he was doing the right thing when he shot a drunken driving suspect who had beaten up a policeman and was running away. His faith was shaken when Jesus Puentes demanded $1. 7 million for his wounds. But the jury said Puentes is the one who must pay -- $1. 75 million in punitive damages and $'1
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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