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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of jonathan strange film and other funny jokes |
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Simple Joke
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase in plan that would be known as 'EuroEnglish'. In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. . Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of the 'k'. This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with the 'f'. This will make words like 'fotograf' 20% shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e''s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaiining 'ou' and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reali sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU!!
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Aviation Joke
Michael Jackson, Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela are in an airplane with 20 kids. The airplane gets a failure and is doomed to crash. The plane has only 20 parachutes. Nelson Mandela, as a great humanitarian says that children should have them. Bill Clinton gets panicky and shouts, 'SCREW THE CHILDREN!!' Michael Jackson's face lights up and he shouts, 'YES, YES!! But do we have enough time?'
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Animal Joke
Three animals were having a hugeargument over who was the best. The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had hardly a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength. No animal in the forest dared to challenge him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any animal using his unique arsenal. As the trio debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion, and stinker!
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Ethnical Joke
There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole to the ground and repsitioned to pick up another pole. This went on several times when the foreman came over and asked why they couldn't measure the poles while they were laying on the ground? The Aggies replied, 'we need to know how tall the poles are, not how long'.
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Weather Joke
What person adds best in hot weather? A summer.
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Kids Puns
It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. 'Carrie's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?, ' he says. 'That's cool' says Bobby. Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. Carrie's father responds 'why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it. 'Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby - so he asks Carrie's Dad to repeat it. 'Yeah, ' says Carrie's father, 'Carrie really likes to screw; she'll screw all night if we let her!'Well, this just made Bobby's eyes light up, and his plan for the evening was beginning to look pretty good. A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door. About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father:'DAMMIT DADDY! . . . IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!'
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Naughty Joke
A boat load filled with Viagra sank in Baltimore Harbor. They could not get the draw bridges down for a week.
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Journalist Joke
Reporter: To what do you attribute your old age? Old Man: To the fact that I was born in 1890.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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