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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of jokes to send by text and other funny jokes |
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Easy to Remember Joke
An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: 'I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?' Patient: 'Well, give me the bad news first. ' Doctor: 'You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left. ' Patient: 'Oh no! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this??' Doctor: 'You also have Alzheimer's. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you. '
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Telephone Joke
Why did the girl who worked for the telephone company sing all the time? Because she was an operetta (operator).
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Clean Humor
Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50. 'The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100. 'The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be assimi. . . Oooh! Donuts!
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Satire Joke
I'm hungry = I'm hungry. I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy. I'm tired = I'm tired. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you. Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!You look tense, let me give you a massage. = I want to fondle you. What's wrong? = I don't see why your making such a big deal about this. What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question. I'm bored. = Do you want to have sex?I love you. = Let's have sex now. I love you, too. = Okay, I said it. . . we'd better have sex now!Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = I liked it better before. Yes, I like the way you cut your hair. = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!Let's talk. = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me. Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys. (while shopping) I like that one better. = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together. = I am gay.
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Satire Joke
A man who worked for a fire company came home from work one day and told his wife, 'You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're on the trucks ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say bell '1
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Spelling Joke
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. 'Holy cow, Mister, ' one of them said after catching his breath, 'You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?' 'Those fools!' the old man grumbled. 'They misspelled my name!'
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Dinosaur Joke
Q: What's green and purple and goes up and down? A: Barney in an elevator.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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