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pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of jokes for your mobile and other funny jokes |
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Fun Funny Joke
After years of his wife's pleading, this good ol boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on Sunday morning. He was so moved by the Preacher's sermon that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand. He said, 'Reverend, that was the best gawd damn sermon I ever did hear!'The Preacher replied, 'Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but please. . . I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the Lord's name in vain!'The man said, 'I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself, it was a good gawddamn sermon!'The Reverend said, 'Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you behaving this way at Church'!The man said, 'Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so gawddamn good, I put $500. 00 in the collection plate!'And the Reverend said, 'NO SHIT?!'
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Divorce Joke
Q: How many divorcees does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: None. The sockets all went with the house.
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Funny Kids Joke
What is a cow's favorite TV show?Dr Moo!Why was the farmer hopping mad?Because someone had trodden on his corn!What would happen if bulls could fly?You would have to carry an umbrella all the time and beef would go up!What do you get if a sheep walks under a cloud?A sheep that's under the weather!Why do cows like being told jokes?Because they like being amoosed!What goes 'peck, bang, peck, bang, peck, bang'?A bunch of chickens in a field full of balloons!What do you get if you cross a pile of mud with a pig?A groundhog!How do you take a pig to hospital?By hambulance!What do you call a joke book for chickens?A yolk book!
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Dog Joke - 2
What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a dog? A hen that lays pooched eggs.
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Law Joke
A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
'How much does it cost for engineer brain?'
'Three dollars an ounce. '
'How much does it cost for programmer brain?'
'Four dollars an ounce. '
'How much for lawyer brain?'
'$1,000 an ounce. '
'Why is lawyer brain so much more?'
'Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?'
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Cat Joke
What is another way to describe a cat ? A heat seeking missile !
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Food Joke
Bachelor's DietMONDAY:BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six 'gutbombers' those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox. AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maaloxDINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------TUESDAY: BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslawLUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------WEDNESDAY:BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's LUNCH - Rolaids and a cokeDINNER - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps --------------------------------------------------------------------------------THURSDAY:BREAKFAST - Order out for pizzaLUNCH - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. DINNER - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------FRIDAY:BREAKFAST - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you. LUNCH - Skip lunch, Fridays are murder DINNER - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------SATURDAY:BREAKFAST - Sleep through it. LUNCH - DittoDINNER - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------SUNDAY:BREAKFAST - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie. LUNCH - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch. DINNER - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Princess Leia Barbie . . . Barbie with the hairdo from Star Wars
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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