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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke wedding gift and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Humor
A French guy, an American guy and a Cuban guy are standing on a cliff. The French guy throws a case of fine wine off the cliff. ''Why did you do that?''asked the other men. ''We have plenty of fine wine in France, '' said the man. Next, the Cuban guy throws a box of fine cigars off the cliff. ''Why did you do that?'' asked the other men. ''We have plenty of cigars in Cuba, '' said the Cuban man. Finally, the American man pickes up the Cuban man and throw' him off the cliff. ''What did you do that for?'' asked the French man. ''We have plenty of Cubans in America, '' answered the American man.
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Law Enforcement Joke
A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, 'It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go. 'The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, 'My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!'
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Strange Humor
A well known rich businessman's wife broke her hip. The businessman got the best bone surgeon in town to do the operation. The operation consisted of lining up the broken hip and putting in a screw to secure it. The operation went fine, and the doctor sent the business man a fee for his services of $5000. The businessman was outraged at the cost, and sent the doctor a letter demanding an itemized list of the costs. The doctor sent back a list with two things:1 screw $1 Knowing how to put it in $4999 $5000 totalThe businessman never argued.
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Ethnic Humor
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad. Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates. Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club. Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves. Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job. Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer. Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness. Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them. Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem. Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels. Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them. Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball. Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and rugby. Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball. Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in. Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it 'English'. Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it 'English'. Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans. Aussies: Add 'G'day', 'mate' and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to be cool. Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island. Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island. Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country. Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country. Americans: Drink weak, bad-tasting beer. Canadians: Drink strong, bad-tasting beer. Brits: Drink warm, bad-tasting beer. Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it. Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect. Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect. Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things. Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.
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Criminal Joke
Detective: How did you get into counterfeiting? Criminal: I answered an ad that said, 'Make money at home. '
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Bumper Stickers - 5
If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my stickers!
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Free Adult Joke
Not an idiot, but plays one in his life. Not as dumb as he looks, but that would be impossible. Not digging in the same ditch with the rest of us. Not done evolving yet. Not enough brain cells for the Prozac to be effective. Not enough brains to get anywhere NEAR the gutter. Not enough change to break a dollar/pound/deutschmark/yen. Not enough sense to come in out of the rain. Not enough sense to stay out in the rain. (Like a 60's flower child. ) Not firing on all four/six/eight cylinders. Not firmly seated in the socket / screwed in tight. Not hard-docked. Not inflated to 90 PSI. Not Intel Inside. (Or, given Pentium problems, just: Intel inside. ) Not much to show for four billion years of evolution. Not only rude, but ugly too. Not playing with / dealing from a full deck (-- not even in the game). Not running on full thrusters. Not shooting pool on a level table. Not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree / light in the harbor. Not the full quid. Not the same since they took him off his medication. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer / tool in the shed. Not Turing equivalent. Not wrapped too tight. Nothing between the stethoscopes. Nothing on her radar. Numb as a post / pounded thumb. Number 'n a hake. (New England expression a notoriously stupid fish. ) Nutty as a fruitcake.
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School Joke
It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade. The teacher greeted the class and said, 'Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me death?'
She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' said the boy.
'Now,' said the teacher, 'Who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?'
Again, no response except from Toshiba: 'Abraham Lincoln, 1863. '
The teacher snapped at the class, 'You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do. '
As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper: 'Lousy Japanese. '
'Who said that?' she demanded.
Toshiba put his hand up. 'Lee Iacocca, 1982,' he said.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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