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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke videos and other funny jokes |
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: What happened to the Irishman who tried to kill himself by?. swallowing 100 pain killers?A: After two he began to feel better.
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Animal Joke
After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported 'Goony bird' and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, 'Goony bird! The table!'Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, 'Goony bird! The shelf!'Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. 'Wow!' said the wife, 'If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!' So she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. 'Honey!' she exclaimed, 'I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!'The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, 'Goony Bird, my foot!'
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Computing Joke
Satan greets him: 'Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever. Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says 'I'll take this option. ''Fine, ' says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. 'That was Bill Gates!' cried Lucifer. 'Why did you give him the best place of all!''That's what everyone thinks' snickered Satan. 'The bottle has a hole in it!''What about the PC?''It's got Windows 95!' laughed Satan. 'And it's missing three keys, ''Which three?''Control, Alt and Delete. '
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Bath Joke
The plumber was working in a house when the lady of the house said to him, 'Will it be alright if I have a bath while you're having your lunch?' 'It's okay with me lady, ' said the plumber, 'as long as you don't splash my sandwiches. '
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Celebrities Joke
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! what are '4
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Humorous Joke
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. 'What is your name?' Was the first thing the manager asked the new guy. 'John, ' the new guy replied. The manager scowled, 'Look, I don't know what kind of a mamby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?'The new guy sighed and said, 'Darling. My name is John Darling. ''Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is. . . '
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Brother and sister Joke
Do robots have sisters ? No, just transistors !
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Monster Joke
What happens if a big hairy monster sits in front of you at the movie theater? You miss most of the film.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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