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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke trophies and other funny jokes |
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Satire Joke
Q: Why dont mexicans and blacks have children together?A: They're afraid the kids will grow up too lazy to steal.
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Miscellaneous Joke
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. 2. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sensual massage. '3. Specify that your drive-through order is 'to go. '4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of 'Beeeep Bip Bip Beeeep Bip. . . '5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. 7. Speak only in a 'robot' voice. 8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. 9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will 'swipe your grub'. 10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. 11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 12. Sniffle incessantly. 13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles. 14. Name your dog 'Dog'. 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions 'to keep them tuned up'. 16. Reply to everything someone says with 'that's what YOU think. ' 17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your 'astronaut training'. 18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for 'violating your airspace'. 19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a 'real hoot'. 20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol. 21. Practice making fax and modem noises. 22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and copy them to your boss. 23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. 25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a 'spider person'. 26. Finish all your sentences with the words 'in accordance with prophesy. '27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. 28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. 29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 30. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
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Random Joke
These are fabricated corporate slogans that would never have made if far if they entered the real world. Microsoft: 'How much are you going to pay today?' MTV: 'Loud and easy to spell. ' Saks 5th Avenue: 'You Could Shop Here if You're Poor, But That Would be Stupid!' Iguana: 'The other green meat. ' Nike: 'Just buy the shoes, you flabby spineless lump!' Daisy Air Rifles: 'Keeping kids off your lawn for over forty years. ' Canon Photocopiers: 'Quit calling them Xeroxes!' Apple MacIntosh: 'Hey, we thought of it first!' Radio Shack: 'You've got questions, we've got geek losers!' Professional Bowling on NBC: 'Oh, why don't you just go ahead and kill yourself instead?'
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Bird Joke
Two owls were playing pool. One said, 'Two hits. ' The other replied, 'Two hits to who?'
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Fishing Joke
How do you get around fast on the bottom of the sea? Skates!
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Weirdest Joke
How do men exercise at the beach?By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
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Blonde Joke - 1
A blonde and a brunette are skydiving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord -- nothing happens. She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing. The blonde finally jumps out of the plane and yells 'Oh! So you wanna race, huh?'
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Strange Humor
What do Monica and Bob Dole have in common? They're both upset Clinton finished first. They called off the investigation of President Clinton due to a lack of evidence. Turns out he didn't tell her to lie, he told her to kneel. How will Clinton build his bridge to the 21st century? Apparently while part of a federal prison work release program. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy? One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate labrador.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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