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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke shop covent garden and other funny jokes |
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Bumper Stickers - 7
Very funny Scotty; now beam down my clothes
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Worlds Best Joke
What do you call 3 blondes under a Christmas tree?Ho-Ho-Ho!
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Dog Joke - 2
Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? - A: So that they didn't have to bend down to pet it.
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Stand Up Joke
There's this old man in a nursing home and he's hornier than hell. So he sees this cute nurse and says, 'How about a quickie for twenty bucks?'She agrees and gets on top of him. They go at it for about ten minutes. After the act, the old man says, 'You know, if I knew you were a virgin, I would have paid you a hundred bucks. 'In reply, the nurse says, 'If I knew you could get it up that high, I would have taken off my pantyhose!'
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Journalist Joke
A cub reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first assignment. He submitted the following report to his editor. 'Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her breasts. ' The Editor scolded the new reporter, 'This is a family paper. We don't use words like breasts around here. Now go back and write something more appropiate!' The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. 'Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . ) '
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Practical Joke
The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania is almost a consumertip:Who was fatally burnedMarch '21
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Miscellaneous Joke
58 Actual Newspaper Headlines (collected by journalists) 1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says 2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers 3. Saftey Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted 4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case 5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents 6. Farmer Bill Dies In House 7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms 8. Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus? 9. Stud Tires Out 10. Prostitutes Appeal To Pope 11. Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over 12. Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again 13. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands 14. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms 15. Eye Drops Off Shelf 16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids 17. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead 18. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim 19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66 20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax 21. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told 22. Miners Refuse to Work After Death 23. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant 24. Stolen Painting Found By Tree 25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies 26. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter 27. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years 28. Never Withhold Herpes Infection From Loved One 29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84 30. War Dims Hope For Peace 31. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While 32. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures 33. Enfields Couple Slain Police Suspect Homicide 34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge 35. Deer Kill '17
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Insect Joke
How do fireflies start a race? Ready, steady, glow!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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