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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke shop cardiff and other funny jokes |
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Clean Humor
Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess lap and said: Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled to herself and thought: I don't freakin' think so!
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Joke for Halloween
A rather confident man walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?''No', he replies, 'I just bought this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it. 'The intrigued woman says, 'A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?''It uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me, ' he explains. 'Oh really? What's it telling you now?' she inquires. 'Well, it says you're not wearing any panties. . . 'The woman giggles and replies, 'Well it must be broken then, because I am wearing panties!'And the man starts tapping on the watch face and says, 'Damn thing must be an hour fast!'
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Medical Joke
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor's office. 'We have come for an examination, ' said the young girl. 'Alright, ' said the doctor. 'Go behind that curtain andtake your clothes off. ''No, not me, ' said the girl. 'it's my old aunt here. ''Very well, ' said the doctor. 'Madam, stick out your tongue. 'Sent by Stan
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Clean Joke
An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply, 'For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!'At 4 A. M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: 'Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here. '
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Car and train Joke
Brother: How do you top a car ? Sister: Tep on the brake, tupid.
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Bar Joke - 2
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial --it went like this:Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away. Q: Officer, who provided this description? A: The officer who responded to the scene. Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers? A: Yes sir, with my life. Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer--do you have a locker room in the police station--a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties? A: Yes sir, we do. Q: And do you have a locker in that room? A: Yes sir, I do. Q: And do you have a lock on your locker? A: Yes sir. Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room. . .
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?
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Bumper Stickers - 2
Change Is Inevitable, Except From A Vending Machine
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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