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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke presents for men and other funny jokes |
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Animal World
What has two grey legs and two brown legs?An elephant with diarrhea. What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?Lots of room!
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Elephant Joke
Why did the gum cross the road? Because it was under the elephants foot.
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Various animal Joke
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear ? Winnie the Pooh !
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Romance Joke
Why did Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley split up? He wanted children and she didn't want to get a sex change.
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Food Joke
One day, Bill and Tom went to a restaurant for dinner. As soon as the waiter took out two steaks, Bill quickly picked out the bigger steak for himself. Tom wasn't happy about that: 'When are you going to learn to be polite?'Bill: 'If you had the chance to pick first, which one would you pick?'Tom: 'The smaller piece, of course. 'Bill: 'What are you whining about then? The smaller piece is what you want, right?'
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Telephone Joke
How does a lobster answer the phone? Shello?
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Religion Joke
This fellow comes to confession. 'Father, he said, forgive mefor I have sinned. 'The priest asked, 'What did you do, my son?''I lusted, ' the fellow replied. 'Tell me about it, ' the priest said. The fellow then related his story. 'Father, I am a deliverymanfor UPS. Yesterday I was making a delivery in the affluentsection of the city. When I rang the bell, the door opened andthere stood the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. Shehad long blonde hair and eyes like emeralds. She was dressedin a sheer dressing gown that showed her perfect figure. And, she asked if I would like to come in. ''And, what did you do, my son?' asked the priest. 'Father, I did not go in the house but I lusted. Oh, how Ilusted, ' replied the man. 'Your sin has been forgiven, ' replied the priest. 'You will getyour reward in heaven, my son. ''A reward, father? What do you think my reward might be?'the fellow asked. The priest replied, 'I think a bale of hay would be appropriate, you jackass. '
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Computer Joke
Comments made by Programmers when their programs don't work: Strange. . . I've never heard about that. It did work yesterday. Well, the program needs some fixing. How is this possible? The machine seems to be broken. Has the operating system been updated? The user has made an error again. There is something wrong in your test data. I have not touched that module! Yes yes, it will be ready in time. You must have the wrong executable. Oh, it's just a feature. I'm almost ready. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes. It will be done in no time at all. It's just some unlucky coincidence. I can't test everything! THIS can't do THAT. Didn't I fix it already? It's already there, but it has not been tested. It works, but it's not been tested. Somebody must have changed my code. There must be a virus in the application software. Even though i t does not work, how does it feel? How come you didn't find it during the system testing? It's a setup problem. And the Ultimate: A smart user would never do that!
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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