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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke parking tickets and other funny jokes |
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Situation Joke
The sales girl at the Pink Pussycat boutique didn't batan eye when the customer purchased an artificial vagina. 'What are you going to use it for?' she asked. 'None of your business, ' answered the customer, beetred and throughly offended. 'Calm down, buddy, ' soothed the salesgirl. ' The onlyreason I'm asking is that if it's food, we don't haveto charge you sales tax. '
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Math Joke
A statistics professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.
'I don't understand it!' the interrogating officer exclaims. 'You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!'
'Sorry', the professor interrupts him. 'I had never intended to blow up the plane. '
'So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!'
'Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight. '
'And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?'
'You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer. . . '
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Clean Joke
Why isn't Mexico in the olympics?. . . Because everyone that can swim, jump, climb, and sprint are already over the Border. .
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Kids School Joke
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth!
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Joke for Halloween
A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying copies, not the original books. So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this. He points out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the other copies. The head monk says 'We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son. ' So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original. Hours later, nobody has seen him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him. He hears a sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, and finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying. He asks what's wrong. The old monk sobs, 'The word is celebrate. '
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Yo momma Joke
Yo mama so fat when God said, 'Let there be light' he he to ask her to move out of the way.
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Funny Joke - 50 best Joke
What do monkeys sing at Christmas ? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells. . !
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Joke for Kids
There are three construction workers on top of a building having lunch. One Italian, one Polak, and one Oriental. The Italian has a meatball hero, the Oriental has noodles, and the Polak has knockwurst. The Italian and the Oriental are tired of having the same lunches everyday. The Italian says that if he gets a meatball hero the next day that he will throw it off the building. The Oriental says that if he gets noodles tommorow he will also throw it off the building. The Polak says that if he gets knockwurst tommorow he will throw it off the building. Sure enough the Italian and Oriental workers open their lunch-boxes and they find that they have a meatball hero and noodles respectively. They both throw their lunches off the building. The Polak then throws his sandwich off the building. The other guys ask him how he knew that it was knockwurst again without even looking. He responded by saying, 'Because I pack my own lunch. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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