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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke net and other funny jokes |
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Ant Joke
What do you call an ant from overseas ? Impartant
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Dumb Joke
A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, 'Is this it?' God said, 'No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live. ' Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it. She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, 'I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?' God replied, 'Shirley! I'm sorry but I didn't recognize you!'
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Dumb Joke
This freelance journalist discovered Adolf Hitler was alive and well andliving in South America. He managed to wrangle a 'once-in-a-lifetime'interview with Hitler on the condition that he was not to reveal whereHitler was living. He went to this interview, and lo and behold, yes, itwas Adolf Hitler, looking very old. He interviewed him, asking him allsorts of questions, and as a final question, asked 'What are you doing now, in the twilight of your life?'Hitler replied 'Hah! Twilight of my life! I'll have you know that I amsecretly putting together the 4th Reich, right here in South America! Thistime we'll do it right. We have a foolproof plan - this time we will killEVERY JEW in the world - and 6 MEXICANS!!!'. The journalist asked '. . . but. . . but. . . . but why 6 MEXICANS??'Hitler jumped to his feet and yelled 'SEE, I TOLD THEM THAT NO-ONE GIVES ASHIT ABOUT THE JEWS!'
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Cat Joke
Why do tomcats fight ? Because they like raising a stink !
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Various animal Joke
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangeroo ? A stripey jumper !
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Simple Joke
An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - 'Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact while I've been in here I must have farted at least 20 times. 'The doctor nods and gives her some pills. 'Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done. 'So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed. Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. 'What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much? They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!'The doctor nodded, 'It's alright, now that we have your sinus' cleared up, we'll work on your hearing next!'
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Bumper Stickers - 7
YOU ARE HERE!
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Funny Famous Joke
This guy comes home from work one day to find his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit is dead and the guy panics. He thinks the neighbor is going to hate him forever, so he takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house and gives it a bath, blow dries its fur and puts the rabbit back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes. A few days later, the neighbor is outside and asks the guy, 'Did you hear that Fluffy died?'. The guy stumbles around and says, 'Um. . er. . no. . what happened?'. The neighbor replies, 'We just found him dead in his cage one day. But the weird thing is that the day after we buried him we went outside and someone had dug him up, gave him a bath and put him back into the cage. There must be some real sick people out there!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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