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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke mugs and other funny jokes |
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Computer Joke
What do you get if you stuff your computer's disk drive with herbs? A thyme machine.
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Law Joke
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
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Easy to Remember Joke
Your ass is never a factor in a job interview. Your orgasms are real. Always. Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow. Wedding plans take care of themselves. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass every night. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president. You can wear a white shirt to a water park. Foreplay is optional. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut. The world is your urinal. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky. Same work. . more pay. Wrinkles add character. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments. Wedding Dress $2000 Tux rental $100. 'Nuff said. . If you retain water, it's in a canteen. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them. Princess Di's death was just another obituary. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or irreparably mangle your feet. Porn movies are designed with you in mind. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: 'So, notice anything different?'
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Assorted Joke
This guy walks into a pub with a gremlin sitting on his shoulder. He sits at the bar and orders a pint and a half of lager. The gremlin downs his half-pint, runs long the bar, dips his head in a blokes beer and goes, 'Brrr!'. The guy orders another pint and a half. The gremlin repeats the performance. The bloke grabs the gremlin by the neck, shakes him up a bit, and says, 'Listen, if you ever do that again I'll cut yer balls off!'The gremlin says, 'Ain't got none!' 'Well, I'll cut off yer prick!' 'Ain't got one of them, neither. ' says the gremlin. 'Well, how do ya pee?'The gremlin smiled and said, 'Brrr!'
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Bumper Stickers - 6
My Reality Check Just Bounced
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Clinton Joke
Q: Why is Bill Clinton called 'middle of the road Democrat'? A: Because he's got a wide yellow stripe down the middle of his two-lane back.
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Religious Joke
Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are traveling through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield. 'Quick, quick!' shouts Sister Mary Agnes, 'What should we do?' 'Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination, ' says Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. 'What shall I do now?' she shouts. 'Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left the Vatican, ' replies Sister Mary Vincent. Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. 'Now what?' shouts Sis ter Mary Agnes. 'Show him your cross, ' says Sister Mary Vincent. 'Now you're talking, ' says Sister Mary Agnes. She then opens the window and shouts, 'Get the hell off our car!'
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Bumper Stickers - 4
If you can read this bumper sticker you are driving too close.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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