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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke items and other funny jokes |
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Redneck Joke
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
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Totally Weird Joke
What is the difference between a sofa and a man watching Monday Night Football?The sofa doesn't keep asking for beer.
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Ethnic Humor
A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his father, who was a rabbi, if they could discuss his use of the family car. Hisfather took him into his study and said, 'I'll make a deal with you. Youbring your grades up, study your Talmud a little, get your hair cut andthen we'll talk about it. 'After about a month, the boy came back and again asked his father ifthey could discuss his use of the car. They again went into the father'sstudy where the father said - 'Son, I've been very proud of you. You havebrought your grades up, you've studied the Talmud diligently, but you didn't get your hair cut. ' The young man waited a moment and then replied, 'You know Dad, I've been thinking about that. You know Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Jesus had long hair. ' The rabbi said, 'Yes, and everywhere they went, they walked.
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Bumper Stickers - 3
GIMMIEABREAK!
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Bumper Stickers - 6
The beatings will continue until employee morale improves.
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Best Joke Online
Ms. Nice Guy - 'Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have'Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormatAdvantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindlyDisadvantages: May wise up somedayOld Yeller - 'You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??'Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from HellAdvantages: Pays attention to youDisadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pansSickly - 'Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite'Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, GlumpyAdvantages: PredictableDisadvantages: ContagiousThe Bosser - 'Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Don't give me that look. 'Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes Mom Advantages: Often rightDisadvantages: Often right, but so what?Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied - 'I just can't decide. Should I switch my career? goals?'Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon HoneyAdvantages: Easily soothedDisadvantages: Even more easily perturbedWild Woman out of Control - 'Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed outAdvantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeysDisadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffsHuffy - 'I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at'Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, SnarlyAdvantages: Your friends will feel sorry for youDisadvantages: You will have no friendsWoman from Mars - 'I believe this dance will explain how I feel about you' Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, ArtisticAdvantages: Entertaining, unfathomableDisadvantages: Will read her poetry aloudMs. Dreamgirl - 'I am utterly content with you just the way you are'Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, GorgeousAdvantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibitedDisadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you
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Best Joke Online
I could have sworn I heard the can opener. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths? Why doesn't the government do something about dogs? I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives? Hmmm . . . If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us? This looks like a good spot for a nap. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place? If there's a God, how can He allow neutering? If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!
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Simple Joke
Two old men were fishing off a bridge as they had done daily for many years. Suddenly a funeral procession came down the road. The one old man reeled in his line, lain down his pole, faced the street and bowed his head until the procession had passed. He then picked up his pole and started fishing again. The other fisherman was amazed and stated 'I didn't know you were that religious. ' The other looked at him and said 'Least I could do, we've been married 42 years!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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