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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke images and other funny jokes |
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Miscellaneous Joke
4 Doctors were talking shop one day. . . An Israeli doctor said, 'Medicine in my country is so advanced, we can take a kidney out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in six weeks. 'A German doctor said 'That's nothing! In Germany, we can take a lung out of one person, put it in another and have him looking for work in four weeks. 'A Russian doctor said, 'In my country, medicine is so advanced, we can take half a heart from one person, put it in another and have them both looking for work in two weeks. 'The American doctor, not to be outdone, said 'Hah!We are about to take an asshole out of Texas, put him in the White House and half the country will be looking for work the next day!'
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Burger Joke
In what school subjects does the teacher say, 'Well done, hamburgers'? A wide range of subjects - meatyeval, history, meatematics and word grill.
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Bible Joke
Do you know what happens if you don't pay your exorcist?You get repossessed!
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Sporting Joke
On your resume you write 'I'm the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be'. You call a beer by your name. Instead of hugging relatives you give them bear hugs & mandible claws. You begin to shake someone's hand in public, but then hesistate to look for the crowd's response. You tell your significant other, 'Not tonight, I'm watching RAW'. Every time you sit down a table you consider how easily it might break if you were to moonsault it. You get in fights with people who say wrestling is fake.
On a job application, you state your residence as 'parts unknown'.
After you beat someone up, you spray paint their back. You clothesline people in the supermarket for no real reason. You elbow smash your dog & turn him/her over for the three count. You do heel turns on your best friends for no reason. You don't understand why there are wars when a steel-cage/grudge match would settle everything. Instead of reading a bedtime story to your kids, you put them in a sleeper. Instead of punishing your kids by grounding them, you threaten them with stunners, choke slams & tombstones. When your king-size bed has ropes and turnbuckles surrounding it. You get fired from work then show up the next day wearing a mask. You are refereeing a sporting event and just as someone is cheating you turn your head. Your boss fires you and you come back to work and challenge him to a no-holds barred steel-cage wrestling match.
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Bugs Barbie . . . buck teeth, long ears
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Bumper Stickers - 4
I don't approve of political jokes. . . I've seen too many of them get elected.
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Short Joke
Why it's better to be a Woman!1. We got off the Titanic first. 2. We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers. 3. Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous. Guys look like complete idiots in ours. 4. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. 5. We can cry and get off speeding fines. 6. We've never lusted after a cartoon character or the central female figure in a computer game. 7. Taxis stop for us. 8. Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance. 9. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. 10. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies . . . (you get the point). 11. We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we're gay. 12. We can hug our friends without wondering if WE'RE gay. 13. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. 14. It's possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower. 15. We don't have to fart to amuse ourselves. 16. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. 17. We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her butt. 18. If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it. 19. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. 20. If we're dumb, some people will find it cute. 21. We don't have to memorize Caddyshack or Fletch to fit in. 22. We have the ability to dress ourselves. 23. We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked. 24. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we're aware that we look like an idiot. 25. Our friends won't think we're weird if we ask whether there's spinach in our teeth. 26. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. 27. We'll never regret piercing our ears. 28. We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. 29. We know which glass was ours by the lipstick mark. 30. We have enough sense to realize that the easiest way to get out of being lost is to ask for directions.
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Satire Joke
RELATIONSHIPSFirst of all, a man does not call it a relationship. He refers to it as a romance, or a period of dating, of going out, or, in some unfortunate circumstances, 'that time when me and Suzie was doing it on a semi-regular basis. 'When a relationship ends, a woman will cry, and pour her heart out to her girlfriends, and she will write a poem titled 'All Men are Morons. ' Then she will get on with her life. A man has a little more trouble letting go. For six months, his ex may not hear from him, but then late on Saturday night/Sunday morning, he will call and say, 'I just wanted to let you know you ruined my life, and I'll never forgive you, and I hate you, and you're a total b**ch. But I want to let you know there's always a chance for us. 'This is known as the 'I Hate You/I Love You' drunken phone call. Ninety-nine percent of all men past the age of 21 have made this call at least once. Some men make a career of these calls. There are community colleges that offer extension courses to help men get over this need; alas, these classes rarely prove effective. SEXWomen prefer 30 to 45 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30 to 45 seconds of foreplay, less if at all possible. For the man, driving back to her place is considered a part of foreplay. MATURITYWomen mature at a much faster rate than men. Most 17 year old females can function as adults. Most 17 year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work. HATSWomen look good in hats; men look like idiots. GROCERIESA woman knows how to shop for groceries. She makes a list of the things she needs, and then goes to the store and buys these things. A man does not shop on a frequent basis. He waits until the only items left in his refrigerator are an opened can of Schlitz and a half a lime. Then he goes grocery shopping. A man buys everything that looks good. By the time a man reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's car on the Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10 items or less lane. MAGAZINESMen's magazines often feature pictures of naked ladies. Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked ladies. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should no be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Naked men elicit laughter from women. HANDWRITINGTo their credit, men do not decorate their penmanship. They just chicken scratch. Women use scented, colored stationary, and they dot their 'i's' with circles and hearts. Women use ridiculously large loops in their 'p's' and 'g's. ' It is a royal pain to read a note from a woman Even when she's dumping you, she'll put a smiley face at the end of the note. COMEDYLet's say a small group of men and women are in a room, watching television, and an episode of the Three Stooges comes on. Immediately, the men will get very excited; they will laugh uproariously, and even try to imitate the actions of Curly, man's favorite stooge. The woman will roll their eyes and groan and wait it out. BATHROOMSA man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of Dial soap and a towel from a Holiday Inn. The average number of items in a typical American women's bathroom is 437. A man would not be able to identify most of these items. Most men take only 2-3 minutes to relieve themselves. Women's Restrooms always have long lines. GOING OUTWhen a man says he is ready to go out, it means he is ready to go out. When a woman says she is ready to go out, it means she will be ready, as soon as she finds her other earring, makes one phone call and finishes putting on her makeup. CATSWomen love cats. Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men abuse cats. SHOESWhen preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, and then slip in Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Sacks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later she will kick them off because her feet are under the desk. A man will wear one pair of shoes for the entire day. LEG WARMERSLeg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the 'Gimme the Ball' number in A Chorus Line. MIRRORSMen are vain; they will check themselves out in the mirror. Women are ridiculous; they will check out their reflections in any shiny surface, mirrors, spoons, store window, toasters, Joe Garagiola's head. MENOPAUSEWhen a woman reaches menopause, she goes through a variety of complicated emotional, psychological, and biological changes. The nature and degree of these changes varies with the individual. Menopause in a man provokes a uniform reaction --- he buys aviator glasses, a snazzy French cap and leather driving gloves, and goes shopping for a Porsche. THE TELEPHONEMen see the telephone as a communication tool. They use the telephone to send short messages to other people. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and upon returning home, she will call the same friend and they will talk for three hours. LOW BLOWSLet's say a man and a woman are watching a boxing match on television. One of the figures is felled by a low blow. The woman says, 'Oh gee, that must hurt. ' The man doubles over and actually feels the pain. DIRECTIONSIf a woman is out driving, and she finds herself in unfamiliar surroundings, she will stop at a gas station and ask for directions. Men consider this to be a sign of weakness. Men will never stop and ask for directions. Men will drive in a circle for hours, all the while saying things like, 'Looks like I've found a new way to get there. ' and, 'I know I'm in the general neighborhood. I recognize that White Hen store. 'ADMITTING MISTAKESWomen will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted he was wrong was General George Custer. RICHARD GEREWomen like Richard Gere because he is sexy in a dangerous way. Men hate Richard Gere because he reminds them of that slick guy who works at the health club and dates only married women. DRESSING UPA woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals. NICKNAMESWith the exception of female body builders, who call each other names like 'Ultimate Pecs' and 'Big Turk, ' women eschew the use of nicknames. If Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah, and Michelle get together for lunch, they will call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Deborah, and Michelle. But if Mike, Dirk, Clint, and Jack go out for a brewski, they willaffectionately refer to one another as Bullet-Head, Godzilla, Peanut-Brain, and Useless. TOYSLittle girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or '12
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
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