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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke grobben and other funny jokes |
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Vampire Joke
What happened when a doctor crossed a parrot with a vampire? It bit his neck, sucked his blood and said, 'Who's a pretty boy then?'
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Dumb Joke
A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it. 'I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian. Rabbi. . . where did I go wrong?''Funny you should come to me, ' said the Rabbi. 'Like you, I, too, brought my boy up in the faith, put him through University, cost me a fortune, then one day he comes and tells me he has decided to become a Christian. ''What did you do?' asked the lawyer. 'I turned to God for the answer, ' replied the rabbi. 'And what did he say?'He said, 'Funny you should come to me. . . '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Surgeon Generals Warning: Smoking is bad for you. You always known that, just like everybody else. So if you do it for 20 or 30 years, don't come crying to the courts if it makes you sick. How stupid are you anyways?
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Aviation Joke
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. During the final days at Denver's old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, 'I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS. ' The agent replied, 'I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these folks first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out. ' The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, 'Do you have any idea who I am?' Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microp hone. 'May I have your attention please?' she began, her voice bellowing throughout the terminal. 'We have a passenger here at the gate WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to gate 17. ' With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United agent, gritted his teeth and swore 'F--- you. ' Without flinching, she smiled and said, 'I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to stand in line for that, too. '
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Bar Joke - 2
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, 'I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs. ''Odd, ' her companion replied, 'but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do. 'Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. 'Two dogs, please, ' said one. The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs. 'The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, 'What part did you get?'
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Barbie doll Joke
There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Grunge Barbie . . . with flannel shirt and a goatee
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At Work Joke
A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. 'Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve, ' he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wits's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, 'Blame your predecessor. ' The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press -- and Wall Street -- responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, 'Reorganize. ' This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, 'Prepare three envelopes. '
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Joke for Speeches
After careful consideration and endless debate The Perfect Man has finally been named!He's tan!*******He's cute!*******He knows the importance of accessorizing!*******And if he looks at another girl, you can rearrange his face!*******INTRODUCING. . . **************MR. POTATO HEAD!( Good with sour cream and butter too! :)
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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