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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke gifts for men and other funny jokes |
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Kids Puns
An engineering student is walking on campus one day, when another engineer student rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. 'Where did you get such a functional bike?' asked the first. The second engineer replied: 'Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, spread her arms wide and said: 'Take what you want. 'The second engineer nodded approvingly: 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit. '
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Dirty Joke
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children? A: Ask your mother.
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Priceless Joke
One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says 'if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night'. So he says 'ok' and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night. The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says 'if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night. So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry. The man says 'To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him'.
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Yo momma Joke
YO MAMAS SO POOR I SEE HER KICKING A CAN DOWN THE ROAD, I SAID 'WHAT YAR DOING ' SHE SAID 'MOVING' !!!
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Ant Joke
What kind of ant is good at maths ? An accountant !
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School Joke for Kids
Morris the loudmouth mechanic was removing the cylinder heads from the motor of a car when he spotted the famous heart surgeon Dr. Michael DeBakey, who was standing off to the side, waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his Mercedes. Morris shouts across the garage, 'Hey DeBakey! Is that you? 'Come on over here a minute!' The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where Morris the mechanic was working on the car. Morris straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked argumentatively, 'So Mr. Fancy Doctor, look at this here work. I also open hearts, take valves out, grind 'em, put in new parts, and when I finish this baby will purr like a kitten. So how come you get the big bucks, when you and me is doing basically the same work?'Dr. DeBakey leaned over and whispered to Morris the loudmouth mechanic. . . 'Now try doing it with the engine running!'
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Situations Humor
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alabama to be as far away from humanity as possible. Sam sees the mailman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise, it's total peace and quiet. After 6 months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner one day when someone knocks on his door. He opens it and there is a big, bearded man standing there. 'Name's Enoch. . . Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge. . . Having a party Saturday. . . Thought you'd like to come. ' 'Great, ' says Sam, 'after 6 months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you. ' As Enoch is leaving he stops, 'Gotta warn you there's gonna be some drinking. ' 'Not a problem. . . After 25 years in the computer business, I can drink with the best of 'em. ' Again, as he starts to leave, Enoch stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too. ' Damn, Sam thinks. . . Tough crowd. 'Well, I get along with people. I'll be there. Thanks again. ' Once again Enoch turns from the door. 'I've seen some wild sex at these parties, too. ' 'Now that's not a problem, ' says Sam, 'Remember I've been alone for 6 months! I'll definitely be there. . . By the way, what should I wear?' Enoch stops in the door again and says, 'Whatever you want, just gonna be the two of us. '
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Priceless Joke
A smart blonde and a dumb blonde both jump off a cliff at the same time. Who lands first? The dumb blonde because smart blondes don't exist.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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