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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke file and other funny jokes |
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Mad Joke
What the difference between a brunette and the trash? The trash gets taken out once a week!
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Humor Joke
How many tax advisors does it take to change a light bulb? 'In the summer there is a tax deductible convention in Hawaii, dealing exactly with this issue. '
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Law and Lawyer Joke
The below excerpts appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune. They were taken from real court records. Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?Q: What happened then?A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me. 'Q: Did he kill you?Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?Q: She had three children, right?A: Yes. Q: How many were boys?A: None. Q: Were there any girls?Were you alone or by yourself?Q: I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?Q: Now then, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated?Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?A: I'll be three months on March 12th. Q: Apparently then, the date of conception was around January 12th?A: Yes. Q: What were you doing at that time?Do you have any children or anything of that kind?Was that the same nose you broke as a child?Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?A: I used to be. Q: How many times have you committed suicide?So, you were gone until you returned?You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?A: Not yet. A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, 'Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question. 'Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined that body of Mr. Huntington at St. Mary's Hospital?A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 5:30 P. M. Q: And Mr. Huntington was dead at the time, is that correct?A: No, you idiot, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was performing an autopsy on him!
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Clean Humor
A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman. 'What a ripoff, ' the man muttered. 'I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman. ' Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, 'Who are you to question that woman's punishment?'
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Mom and Dad Joke
A country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed and after a little while, the doctor lifted the newborn baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath. The doctor then asked the 5-year-old what he thought of the baby. 'Hit him again, ' the 5-year-old said. 'He shouldn't have crawled up there in the first place!'
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Science Joke
Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, 'I wish I had chest hair like you' So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says 'It will work in about two months. ' Two months later Bob has no hair on his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, 'Rub some Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair. ' Jon comes home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks 'Why?' Bob says 'to grow chest hair' Jon says if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail comin' out your ass!'
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Ethnic Joke - 2
Q: Why do they have so much trouble with the phone systems in China? A: Because there are so many Wings and so many Wongs that someone's always Winging the Wong number.
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Political Joke
Since I couldnt find a good drinking game for the upcoming Presidential debates online, I decided to write one myself. There are three parts to this game. The first section applies to either candidate, and the next two are specific to John Kerry or George W. Bush. Part A Either Candidate Have a small drink or a gulp of beer if either candidate says. . a. Iran b. Iraq c. North Korea d. Afghanistan e. Sudan f. Libya g. Axis of Evil h. Gay Marriage i. United Nations j. Tax Cuts Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if either candidate says a. Saddam Hussein b. Osama Bin Ladden c. Al Qaeda d. September 11th or 9/11 or World Trade Center e. WMD / Weapons of Mass Destruction f. Homeland Security g. Nuclear Proliferation h. If either candidate doesnt answer the question given to them i. If either candidate goes over the time limit per question (flashing red light) Part B George W. Bush Have a small drink or a gulp of beer If George W. Bush says. . a. Uhhh. . b. If George Bush stutters c. Florida d. Mentions anything about the Alliance in Iraq e. Tony Blair f. Dick Cheney g. Terrorist or Terrorism Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if George W. Bush a. Miss-pronounces nuclear b. Mentions a John Kerry Flip Flop c. Mentions anything else about John Kerrys voting record d. Says War on Terra e. Says Evil-Doers f. Says anything connecting Saddam Hussein to the September 11th attacks g. Commits a Bushism meaning he says something that doesnt make any sense Chug a bottle of Bacardi 151 if George W. Bush a. Chokes on a pretzel Part C John Kerry Have a small drink or a gulp of beer If John Kerry says. . a. [Any Number] Billion Dollars b. Mentions anything about his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry c. Four More Years d. Anything about the economy e. No Child Left Behind f. Last Resort g. Mentions anything about how many troops have been killed in Iraq h. John Edwards Have a larger drink, or shot of booze if John Kerry a. Mentions Mission Accomplished b. Mentions anything about Vietnam c. Mentions anything about Purple Hearts d. Mentions anything about George W. Bushs service in the National Guard e. Mentions anything about Bush administration misjudgments f. Mentions anything about unemployment or loss of jobs under the Bush administration
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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