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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke fancy dress and other funny jokes |
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School Joke
An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine
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Blonde Joke - 3
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A blonde parade!
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Cat Joke
On what should you mount a statue of your cat ? A caterpillar !
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Animal Joke
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, 'Pardon me. May I help you with something. 'The blind man says, 'No thanks. I'm just looking around. '
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Heaven and hell Joke
This 85 year old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in health food, and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they 'oohed and aahed' the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. 'It's free, ' Peter replied, 'this is Heaven. ' Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges everyday and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth. The old man asked, 'what are the green fees?'. Peter's reply, 'This is heaven, you play for free. ' Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish buffet lunch with r\nthe cuisine's of the world laid out. 'How much to eat?' asked the old man. 'Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!' Peter replied with some exasperation. 'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?' the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, 'That's the best part. . . you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven. ' With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, 'This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!'
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Relationships Joke
A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was 'now or never', he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant. When asked what he would like, he simply says 'a Barbie doll'. The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks 'Which Barbie would that be, sir?' The man looks surprised so the assistant continues 'We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19. '95
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Dumb People Joke
These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world. 'That race was all about competition. ' - David Coleman, ITV 'And I can see the strong wind blowing the sun towards us. ' - Brian Johnson, BBC Radio 3 Mark Goodier: What's the name of the company you work for? Listener: Mining and Engineering Services. Mark Goodier: So, what kind of work do they do; is it mining and engineering services? - BBC Radio 1 'Marling - unbeaten in her three victories. ' Peter O'Sullivan, BBC2 TV: 'Both drivers are fundamentally wearing white helmets. ' James Hunt, BBC2 TV: 'A church spire nestling among the trees. . . there's probably a church there too. ' - Richie Benaud, BBC2 TV
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Cat Joke
Why was the cat so small ? Because it only ate condensed milk !
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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