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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke eyeglasses and other funny jokes |
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Drunks Joke
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend he comments, 'You look terrible. What's the problem?''My mother died in June, ' he said, 'and left me $'10
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Bumper Stickers - 6
Not a RULES type of girl.
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members. In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.
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Easy to Remember Joke
There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. Here are a few things NOT to say on a date. . . 'I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired. ''I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you. ''I used to come here all the time with my ex. ''Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour. ''I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look. ''And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest. ''I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask. ''It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am. ''I never said you NEED a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it.
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Farmer Joke
There was a farmer who had a lot of live stock. He had cows, horses, chickens, pigs, and bulls. One day a terrible twister came and the man and his family were only saved by throwing themselves in the nearest ditch. After it was all over, he looked up to see that the house was gone. Saddened by the loss, he went out to see if any of the animals had survived. The horses, chickens, pigs, and cows were laid out flat but the bulls were standing! The farmer was amazed and asked them, 'How is it that all the other animals are down and you are still standing?' The bulls replied, 'We bulls wobble but we don't fall down!'
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Dog Joke - 2
Why is a dog like a baseball player? He runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.
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Sporting Joke
The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line. When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, 'You're terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I'll see to it that you get a huge bonus. ' 'Forget the bonus,' the turkey said, 'All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?'
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Clean Humor
Why Dogs don't surf the web. . . Can't stick their heads out of Windows 2000. Too difficult to 'mark' every website they visit. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear 'You've Got Mail. 'Fire hydrant icon simply frustrating. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www. pethouse. com instead of working. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG frisbee. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand. . . Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to manouever. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt. pictures. masters. leg. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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