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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke engagement gift and other funny jokes |
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Cannibal Joke
Cannibal Boy: I've brought a friend home for dinner. Cannibal Mom: Put him in the fridge and we'll have him tomorrow.
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Military Joke
A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water. The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar. Catching his breath, he puffed: 'Please don't say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can't swim I'd be disgraced. 'Don't worry, ' the general said. 'Your secret is safe. I'd hate to have my men find out I can't walk on water. '
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Kids Puns
You know you're a redneck jedi when. . You hear 'Luke, I am your father. . . and your uncle. . . ' You ever said the phrase, 'May the force be with y'all. ' Your Jedi robe is camouflage. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light. At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok. You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters. Wookiees are offended by your B. O. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn't have to wait for a commercial. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up. You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder. You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts. You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck. You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene. Your father has ever said to you, 'Shoot, son come on over to the dark side. . . it'll be a hoot. '
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Animal World
How do you smuggle an elephant across the border?Put a slice of bread on each side, and call him 'lunch'.
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School Joke for Kids
There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion. She went to single bars, singles dances etc. , but she could never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex doctor, named Dr. Chang. She asked Dr. Chang, 'Doctor, please help me find out what's wrong with me!'So Dr. Chang said, 'Take off all yu cwothes. ' So she did. Then he said, 'Now, get on yu hands and knees and crawl weal fas away frum me, den craw weal fas back to me. ' So the young lady did. Dr. Chang looked at her said, 'I know what wong with yu. . . Yu got weal bad case of Zachary disease!'The lady asked, 'What the heck is that?!'Dr. Chang replied, 'Dat's wen yu face lok zachary like yur butt'!
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Clean Humor
Fingernail Clippers:That's why we have teeth. Makeup That is Tattooed on:You might love that green eyeliner now, but what about when you're fifty?Colored Elastics For Braces:As if the braces didn't make your mouth stand out enough. Inflatable Furniture:Nothing boosts the ego more than sitting on a couch and popping it. Crayons That Smell:Oh, good, let's give kids another reason to eat them. Fake Eyelashes:You shouldn't be able to braid your eyelashes. The Epilady:Pulling hair out by the roots is masochistic. Those Crocheted Kleenex Box Covers:Kleenex does not get chilly. Rubber Clothing:Because you shouldn't bounce if you fall down the stairs. Doggie Sweaters:Fido is not Mr. Rogers, nor does he want to be Mr. Rogers. Thong underwear:Nothing leads to insanity faster than a perpetual wedgie.
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Various animal Joke
How many skunks do you need to make a house really smelly? Just a phew!
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School Joke for Kids
An Irishman who had a little to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. . . 'So, ' says the cop to the driver, 'where have you been?''Why, I've been to the pub of course' slurs the drunk. 'Well, ' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening'. 'I did all right, ' the drunk says with a smile. 'Did you know, ' says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?''Oh, thank heavens, ' sighs the drunk. 'For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf!'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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