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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke cards and other funny jokes |
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Short Stupid Joke
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence. He's allowed to say only two words every 7 years. After the first 7 years, the elders bring him in and ask him for his 2 words. 'Cold floors, ' he says. They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. He clears his throat and says, 'Bad food. ' They nod and send him away. 7 more years pass and they bring him in for his 2 words. 'I quit, ' he says. 'That's not surprising, ' the elders say. . . 'You've done nothing but complain since you've been here!'
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Election Joke
The Secret Service has been worried by Bill Clinton's practice of taking early morning jogs. They got a real scare the other day when somebody threw a beer at the president. Fortunately, it turned out to have been a draft, and Clinton was able to dodge it.
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Waiter Joke
Waiter, there is a fly in my soup ! Yes sir, thats the manager, the last customer was a witch doctor !
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Office Humor
Is there a 12 step, support group, or such?For those of us folks who chat on line too much?If there was a group, I would like it just fine, Except that it prob'bly would be here online!Are there therapists here? I think I saw some. Its got me, its got me, its power is AWESOME!It's my new computer, I've had it one week, Now I look in the mirror and I see a real 'geek. 'Or maybe a geekess, but I see the signs. Please help me, please help me, please get me offline!Or better, please Email a burger and fries, 'Cause I'm staying ONLINE, at least 'til I die!
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Simple Joke
A football coach walked into the locker room before a big game, looked over to his star player and said, 'I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play. 'The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, - 'Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this: What is two plus two?'The player thought for a moment and then answered, '4?' 'Did you say 4?!' the coach exclaimed, excited that he had given the right answer. Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, 'Come on coach, give him another chance!'
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Irish Joke
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman each order a Guiness in a pub. Upon being served, each finds a fly in their beer. Repulsed, the Englishman sends his back. The Scotsman gently flicks the fly out of his mug and begins drinking. The Irishman, carefully lifts the fly up by its wings and screams, 'Spit it out! Spit it out!'An Irishman walks into a bar and orders three glasses of Guiness, drinking them one at a time. Noticing this odd ritual, the bartender explains that the beer goes flat when poured and informs the man his beer would be much fresher if he ordered one glass at a time. The Irishman explains he began this custom with his two brothers, who have moved to America and Australia, respectively. This is their way of remembering all the time they spent drinking together. The man becomes a regular at the pub, well-known for always ordering three beers at once. One day he walks in and orders only two beers. Assuming the worst, a hush falls among other patrons. When the Irishman returns to the bar to order his second round, the bartender quietly offers his condolences. The man looks confused for a moment, and then explains, 'No, everyone's fine. I gave up beer for lent. '
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Bible Joke
An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, 'I gladdened seven hearts today. ' 'Seven hearts?' asks the friend. 'How did you do that?' The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, 'I performed three marriages. ' The friend looks at him quizically. 'Seven?' he asks. 'I could understand six, but. . . ' 'What do you think' says the rabbi, 'that I do this for free?'
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Mother Joke
Jewish mother with son at the seaside, a son of whom she is very proud as he recently passed his medical exams. Within minutes of entering the sea he gets into great difficulties under hugh waves. . .
Jewish mother 'HELP HELP !!!! My son the doctor is drowning !'
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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