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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke book publishers and other funny jokes |
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Funny Joke Online
In the old country, it is a custom for women to enter virginal and sexually ignorant into marriages arranged by their parents. In one particular case, an attractive young maid, from a very poor family was wed to a well-off, but relatively unattractive businessman. When the wedding night finally came, the couple, at the bride's insistence, stayed in a hotel near her families home. Early in the evening, the harried bride came rushing through the door. 'Mother, Mother!' cried the girl, 'He says that we should sleep together!''It's alright, girl, married people sleep together. Now go back before he starts to worry about you. ''Oh, ' said the girl, and returned to her husband who had already begun to disrobe. When she saw his hairy chest, she went running back to her mother. 'Mother, Mother, he is taking off his clothes, and he is covered in hair!''It's alright girl, men have hair on their bodies, don't let it bother you. . . Now, get back their before he starts wondering about you. 'When she returns, she finds the man naked for the first time, and sees that he had part of his right foot amputated. She flees, in fright, back to mom. 'Mother, mother, he only has a foot and a half!''Stand back, girl!' says the mother, 'This is a job for a real woman!'
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Mom and Dad Joke
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. . . [Five minutes later] 'Da-ad. . . ' 'What?' 'I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?' 'No. You had your chance. Lights out. ' [Five minutes later] 'Da-aaaad. . . ' 'WHAT?' 'I'm THIRSTY. . . Can I have a drink of water??' 'I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!' [Five minutes later] 'Daaaa-aaaArchive of joke book publishers and other funny jokesD. . . ' 'WHAT??!!' 'When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?'
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Naughty Joke
There once was a young Irish woman who went to confession. Upon entering the confessional she said, 'Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. ' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven. ' The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times. 'The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Take seven lemons and squeeze them into a glass and then drink it. 'The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?'The priest said 'NO, but it will wipe the smile off of your face. '
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Assorted Joke
A woman and a man get into a car accident, and it's a bad one. Both cars are totally demolished, but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, 'So you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman. . . Wow! Just look at our cars. There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace the rest of our days. ' The man replied, ' I agree with you completely this must be a sign from God!' The woman continued, 'And look at this - here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune. ' Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head, opens it and says 'You take the first drink', then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately chugs half of it, puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The woman asks, 'Aren't you having any?' The man replies, 'No. I think I will just wait for the police. . . '
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Bumper Stickers - 5
I'm not driving fast-just flying low.
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Bizarre Joke
Stallone, Tony Danza , and Arnold Swarzanagger are all going to be in a musical about famous composers. Stallone wants to be Mozart, Danza says he'll be Bethoven, and Swarzanagger says 'I'll be Bach!'
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Criminal Joke
What kind of robbery is not dangerous? A safe robbery.
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Travel Humor
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines fromKansas to Chicago. The son, who had been looking out thewindow, turned to his mother and said, 'If big dogs havebaby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planeshave baby planes?' The mother, who couldn't think of ananswer, told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boyasked the stewardess, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and bigcats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'The stewardess asked, 'Did your mother tell you to ask me?'The boy said that she had. She then said, 'Tell your motherthat Southwest always pulls out on time. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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