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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
them funny. |
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke blusod removal and other funny jokes |
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Old People Joke
OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balanceOLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deletedOLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a partOLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wastedOLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become historyOLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiverOLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structuresOLD ASSETS never die, they just depreciateOLD ASTRONAUTS never die, they just go to another worldOLD ATOMS never die, they just decayOLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interestOLD BANKERS never die, they just want to be a loanOLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go battyOLD BASEBALL PLAYERS never die, they just run their last lap
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Animal World
There once was a baby elephant and a baby turtle drinking from a river deep in the jungle. For no reason, the turtle reaches over and bites the elephant's tail, really hard. Years and years later, the same elephant, now grown up, is by the same river, having a drink with his giraffe buddy, when the same turtle that bit him on the tail all those years ago wanders up to the river. The elephant rears back a leg and kicks the turtle as hard as he can, sending him flying way off into the jungle. 'Why did you do that?' the giraffe asks. 'When we both were babies, that turtle bit my tail for no reason, ' the elephant replied. 'Wow! You must have a good memory!' exclaimed the giraffe. 'Yep!' said the elephant. 'I've got Turtle-Recall. '
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Blonde Joke - 1
Did you hear about the blonde who was an M. D. --Mentally Deficient?
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Medical Joke
An old woman came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassingproblem. 'I fart all the time, Doctor Johnson, but they're soundless, andthey have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less thantwenty times. What can I do?''Here's a prescription, Mrs. Harris. Take these pills three times a day forseven days and comeback and see me in a week. 'Next week an upset Mrs. Harris marched into Dr. Johnson's office. 'Doctor, Idon't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm fartingjust as much, but now they smell terrible! What do you have to say foryourself?'. 'Calm down, Mrs. Harris, ' said the doctor soothingly. 'Now that we've fixedyoursinuses, we'll work on your hearing. '
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Parent Joke
When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son's outburst, his mother said, 'Don't you dare use that kind of language in here. ' 'William Shakespeare did, ' replied Ben. 'Well, you'd better stop going around with him, ' said Mom.
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Law and Lawyer Joke
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, 'if a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?' The lawyer answers, 'Absolutely. ''Then you owe me $8. 50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today. 'The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8. 50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction, leaves. Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer: $100 due for a consultation.
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Blonde Joke - 3
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
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At Work Joke
Job Applicant: 'I'm looking for a job as a consultant. 'Employer: 'I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants. 'Applicant: 'That's ok, with my experience, I can be an advisor. 'Employer: 'More than we can use already. 'Applicant: As he is getting desperate, 'I'm not proud, I can dopaperwork, I'll be a clerk, If you have too many, I'll start as a janitor. 'Employer: 'It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for a person with your qualifications. 'Applicant: As he stands up and angrily yells, 'work for you I'd have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!'Employer: 'Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a seat, we may have an opening. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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