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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke blue screen virus and other funny jokes |
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Very Silly Joke
We yanks just love to pass the blame. What other country can boast of 3 lawyers for every citizen. We come up with the best reasons to blame others for our own problems. Here's a small list. . . If a woman burns her thighs on the hot coffee she's holding in her lap while driving, she blames the restaurant. If your teen-age son kills himself or then next door neighbors, you blame the rock 'n' roll music or musician he liked. If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company. If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain you blame the school for poor sex education. If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender. If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with heroin was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones. If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television. If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer. And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at '35
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Blonde Joke - 1
A Blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, 'I've kidnapped you. ' She then wrote a note saying, 'I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $'10
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Bird Joke
What's a parrot's favourite song? I love Parrots in the Springtime!
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Zoo Joke
I took my son to the zoo yesterday. Really, did they accept him?
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Bar Joke , beer, booze and fun!
A brain walks into a bar and says, 'I'll have a pint of beer please. ' The barman looks at him and says 'Sorry, I can't serve you. ' 'Why not?' askes the brain. 'You're already out of your head. '
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School Joke
Teacher: 'Sam, what is the outside of a tree called?' Sam: 'I don't know. ' Teacher: 'Bark, Sam, bark. ' Sam: 'Bow, wow, wow!'
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Village Idiot Joke
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, 'Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?' So the first man replies: 'Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony. ' 'That sounds like a pretty bad day to me, ' said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. 'It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here. ' Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story. 'Picture this, ' says the third man, 'I'm hiding inside a refrigerator. . . '
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Situations Humor
An old man and his son had a one-horse farm where they barely made aliving. Then, one day, the son hit the lottery and won $'50
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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