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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of joke anniversary gift and other funny jokes |
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History Joke
What English King invented the fireplace ? Alfred the grate !
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Ghost Joke
What do you call a ghost Who's always sleeping? Lazy bones.
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Bumper Stickers - 5
If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
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Medical Joke
'How did it happen?' the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. 'Well, doc, 25 years ago. . . ''Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning. ''Like I was saying. . . 25 years ago, when I first started working on thefarm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautifuldaughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything Iwanted. I said, 'No, everything is fine. ''Are you sure?' she asked. 'I'm sure, ' I said. 'Isn't there anything I can do for you???' she wanted to know. 'I reckon not, ' I replied. 'Excuse me, ' said the doctor, 'What the hell does this story have to dowith your broken leg?!?!?''Well, this morning, ' the farmhand explained, 'when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!'
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Bumper Stickers - 2
BooYah!
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Love and Marriage Joke
The wife says: You wantThe wife means: You wantThe wife says: We needThe wife means: I wantThe wife says: It's your decisionThe wife means: The correct decision should be obviousThe wife says: Do what you wantThe wife means: You'll pay for this laterThe wife says: We need to talkThe wife means: I need to complainThe wife says: Sure. . . go aheadThe wife means: I don't want you toThe wife says: I'n not upsetThe wife means: Of course I'm upset you moronThe wife says: You're . . . so manlyThe wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lotThe wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lightsThe wife means: I have flabby thighs. The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenientThe wife means: I want a new house. The wife says: I want new curtains. The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!The wife says: I need wedding shoes. The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white. The wife says: Hang the picture thereThe wife means: No, I mean hang it there!The wife says: I heard a noiseThe wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep. The wife says: Do you love me?The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive. The wife says: How much do you love me?The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like. The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute. The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap. The wife says: Am I fat?The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful. The wife says: You have to learn to communicate. The wife means: Just agree with me. The wife says: Are you listening to me?The wife means: [Too late, your doomed. ]The wife says: YesThe wife means: NoThe wife says: NoThe wife means: NoThe wife says: MaybeThe wife means: NoThe wife says: I'm sorryThe wife means: You'll be sorryThe wife says: Do you like this recipe?The wife means: You better get used to itThe wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dishThe wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place. The wife says: Was that the baby?The wife means: Get out of bed and walk himThe wife says: I'm not yelling!The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!In answer to the question 'What's wrong?'The wife says: The same old thing. The wife means: Nothing. The wife says: Nothing. The wife means: Everything. The wife says: Nothing, really. The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot. The wife says: I don't want to talk about it. The wife means: I'm still building up steam.
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Kids Fairy Tale Joke
On which side of the house did Jack grow the beans?
On the outside!
The giant could smell an Englishman a mile away, so he knew that there was an intruder in the castle. The gates were locked, so how had Jack got inside?
Intruder window!
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Pig Joke
What did the pig call a manuscript? A shoat story.
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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