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No animals were eaten, killed, maimed, wounded, slightly
injured, experimented on, tortured, eaten, sacrificed, frightened,
bullied, teased, humiliated, tickled, upset, ravished, tantalized,
pulled out of a hat, dishonoured or criticised during the making of this
website. Some jokes however were severely tortured in an effort to make
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Welcome to our archive of jokes, riddles, poems and .
. . everything!!!
Over the years we have published over 100,000 jokes,
50,000 poems, 40,000 riddles, 20,000 pictures, 10,000 funny articles
and 2 combine harvesters.
So have a look around, enjoy and get those crops cut
as soon as possible!!!
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Joke Archive : 100,000 Fabulously Amusing Jokes |
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Archive of jeremy beadle dead jokes and other funny jokes |
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Dumb Joke
Having spent half the night discussing involvement vs. commitment (one of my favorite topics when I've had a couple of glasses of wine and am feeling particularly cranky) with my boyfriend, I was quite amused to see the following saying pop up when I logged in the next morning:Commitment, n. : Commitment can be best illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs. The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
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Sports Humor
At The Superbowl Bob received a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium -- he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decided to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, 'Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?' The man said 'no'. Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, 'This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Superbowl and not use it?!' The man replied, 'Well, actually, the seat belongs to me, I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Superbowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967. ' 'That's really sad, ' says Bob, 'but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?' 'No, ' the man replied, 'they're all at the funeral. '
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Bumper Stickers - 6
The closest I ever got to a 4. 0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
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Kids Puns
The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U. S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61. 2 percent of fatal crashes were, 'Oh, Shit!'Only the state of Alabama was different, where 96. 4 percent of the final words were -'Hey Y'all, hold my beer and watch this!'
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Bus Joke
Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel? I should say not, on my salary!
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Frog Joke
What did one frog say. to the other? Time's sure fun when you're having flies!
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Elderly People Joke
You Can Never Really Go Back There was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the breakfast table that morning when the old gentleman said to his wife, 'Just think, honey, we've been married for 50 years. ' 'Yeah, ' she replied, 'Fifty years ago this very day, we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. ' 'Hmmm, ' the old man said, 'We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago this morning. ' 'Well, ' Granny snickered, 'What do you say. . . should we?' Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. 'You know, honey, ' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you now as they were fifty years ago. ' 'I wouldn't be surprised, ' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other one's in you oatmeal!'
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Funny College Joke
A clerk was showing a lady a very nice dress shirt and tie. 'Now this, ' the clerk said, 'is absolutely elegant. It is perfect for a man-about-town. ''Could be, ' the woman replied, 'but I'm looking more for something for a louse-around-the-house. '
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Note : Many of our jokes have been
submitted by guests - if you find any that are offensive please let
us know and they will be removed immediately. |
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